


Fractures

by SpaceDimentio



Series: Fractures [1]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Character Death, Comfort, Emotional Damage, Emotional Trauma, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Other Mental Health and Depression Things, Rose Quartz is Pink Diamond Theory, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Tragedy, suicidal ideations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-10-30
Packaged: 2019-07-28 07:55:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 34,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16237391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaceDimentio/pseuds/SpaceDimentio
Summary: What do you do when you’ve lost everything?  Do you keep fighting, keep holding on, or do you give up and let the world sweep you away?A series of vignettes portraying a world where the rebellion has lost and Pink Diamond suffers severe consequences. Contains spoilers for season 5 up to “Legs from Here to Homeworld.”





	1. A Thousand Glittering Stars

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone, welcome to the first multi-chapter story I’ve written in quite a few years. Recent revelations in Steven Universe have made me completely obsessed, and, though I’ve been having plenty of ideas, this one hit me like a truck; I just had to go for it! It’s my take on what would happen if the rebellion loses and what Pink Diamond does after being forced to return to Homeworld. As you can imagine, it’s not a very happy story, not at first. 
> 
> This story is already completely written, so you can expect regular updates. There are 12 chapters in total, and, as they’re mostly vignettes, length will vary drastically, ranging from a few hundred words to several thousand. There are spoilers for Season 5 up to the most recent episode, “Legs from Here to Homeworld”, so click away if you’re not caught up! 
> 
> Warnings for this story include: Major Character Death, Suicidal Thoughts and Ideations, Emotional Damage, Trauma, Self-Harm, and other Mental Health and Depression Stuff. There won’t be specific warnings on chapters as this stuff is part of the theme and is rather prevalent. There’s also a little cursing if you care about that (mostly in the author’s notes, heh). 
> 
> Obligatory Disclaimer: I don’t own Steven Universe or its characters. I just wanted to write about the suffering of my favorite pink cream puff. Enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- Pink Diamond loses everything.

 

Sapphire waited patiently, her mind awhirl amidst a galaxy of stars. The screaming from the other room echoed loudly. The jaspers guarding her shuffled their feet anxiously.

She wondered how much suffering she could have prevented if she had known. How many mistakes she- Garnet- could have stopped her from making. If Ruby would be alive right now.

She wondered what it could have been like, if Rose had trusted them too, if Pearl had breathed even a single word about it.

The scene played over and over again:

Yellow Diamond stepping foot on Earth in a furious rage.

Rose going to confront her, two armies gathering.

Yellow Diamond’s voice, hissing out in a whisper. _Time to come home, Pink._

The shock and terror on Rose’s face. The shriek she uttered when she was struck by Yellow Diamond’s lightning.

Her gem falling at Yellow Diamond’s feet, the sun glinting off of its rose-colored point.

The Crystal Gems falling apart, unable to maintain their unity. Unable to face the realization that they’d never been free of the diamonds at all.

Sapphire saw them, the thousands of glittering shards piled high in carts, ready to be taken away and used.

Sapphire saw Blue Diamond, standing by stoically as Yellow Diamond shattered them one by one. Behind them was White Diamond, massive and blinding and sucking all of the life from the room with her smile.

Sapphire saw Pink Diamond trapped in a cage, wearing a flowing, familiar dress that both did and did not belong to her. She saw her throw everything she had at her prison; her shield, her body, her despair. She saw that she would not escape.

Sapphire saw the endless stream of Pink Diamond’s tears, tears that could do nothing to make a shattered gem whole.

Sapphire saw bright magenta eyes lock gazes with her own blue one, a wordless, helpless apology written in them. She could not see if she forgave her.

Sapphire saw Pink Diamond screaming; screaming for mercy, screaming out her love, screaming until her voice cracked and broke and even then she did not stop.

Sapphire saw Pink Diamond fall quietly to her knees and beg them to shatter her.

Her request was denied.

Sapphire waited patiently, her tears plummeting to the icy floor at her feet. After nearly 600 years, the future was a straight and narrow river once more.

* * *

 


	2. Quiet Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- Pink Diamond talks to some old friends.

The rough stone under her bare feet was cold, but she hardly felt it. She took her time, waving to the gems she passed and greeting them with a smile. The air was filled with the sound of idle chatter, and someone nearby was singing, her clear voice rising and falling gracefully. She felt warm and content, just being here.

Amidst the small groups of socializing gems, she looked for a more familiar silhouette. Ah, there she was, sitting beside Garnet and Bismuth, telling a group of newly-recruited quartzes about the time she’d thrown a nephrite out of the cockpit of her ship and piloted it herself to attack a group of Pink Diamond’s soldiers. Feeling a swell of pride and affection, she sat down next to Pearl, fluttering her fingers at the quartzes but otherwise not interrupting.

She propped her chin up on her hands, her elbows resting on her knees. Her gaze slid to the ground as she grew lost in contemplation. _How smart and amazing and incredible you are. I can hardly believe that someone as extraordinary as you exists._ A faint blush bloomed on her pale cheeks.

The world fell silent.

Alarmed, she looked up to find that everyone was staring at her. _Everyone_.

She suddenly realized that her pupils were no longer round.

She got to her feet, took a stumbling step backwards only to bump into a wall. A chill fell over her, the world growing dark.

_Rose…_

They were surrounding her, their hands reaching out to tear her apart.

_We trusted you, Rose…_

A hundred, thousand voices droned together.

“I’m sorry!”

_We believed in you…_

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean-”

They clutched at her dress, pulled at her hair, smothered her.

_But it was all just a game…_

“No! That’s not true! I-I-”

Words filled her throat, meaningless, rambling words. Their faces were devoid of emotion, their eyes hollow and dead.

She touched them, wanting to push them away, wanting to hold them tight to her. Beneath her fingers, Pearl crumbled to dust. Like a tidal wave, they all did.

**_YOU KILLED US, ROSE_ **

And everything was pink, pink and too bright and too close and suffocating.

* * *

Her scream resonated for what seemed like hours, bouncing off the walls of her too-small room.

She shivered violently, curled into a tiny ball on the hard pink floor as she sobbed.

“ _I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry”_

She saw them, all their faces, how terrified and dignified and utterly betrayed they were. All except Pearl, who had looked at her with love, even as her form came apart.

Her hand snapped to the diamond embedded in her stomach. Their screams were all she could hear.

They wouldn’t leave her alone _and they were gone it was all gone it was all her fault her fault her fault she just wanted it to stop it would be so easy it would be hell but she wouldn’t remember them and-_

With effort, she dragged her hand away from her gem, tangled it into her hair instead and felt how it hurt to pull.

No.

No. That would be so very _selfish_ of her. For once in her life, she wasn’t going to be selfish.

She was all that was left. Who would remember, if she was gone?

Who would remember the innocence of Garnet at her birth? The way she had looked at herself in wonder when Rose Quartz told her she was the answer?

Who would remember Pearl’s blush when she had confessed that she had been thinking her own thoughts? The way she had learned to dance with her swords and strike like no pearl had ever done before her?

Who would remember the days and nights of pounding metal in Bismuth’s forge as she worked tirelessly to ensure that everyone could protect themselves? The way her laughter bellowed out of her when she told one of her terrible jokes?

Who would remember the beautiful organic life of Earth, the clever humans who were so much like gems?

Who would remember the fusions, the discovery of strengths and freedoms the likes of which Homeworld would never know?

Who would remember it all, if not her?

She sat up slowly, painfully, her arms wrapped tightly around herself. Her fingernails dug into her bared shoulders. The six solid walls of her hexagonal room seemed to close in on her.

It welled up inside her, the familiar beast of her grief and despair. She wanted to let it all out, to shriek and cry as loud as she could, to attack the impenetrable walls and leave herself a mess of scratches and bruises. She wanted to succumb to it, the way she had done for over a millennium. Instead, she only let out a silent trickle of tears.

1289 years.

And it still didn’t hurt any less.

She didn’t have to be here. She was allowed to go out, as long as she was accompanied by Blue or Yellow. She could go with them more often, didn’t have to isolate herself like this.

This imprisonment only lasted until White was satisfied that she would finally behave like the diamond she was supposed to be.

How could she ever be, when she knew deep down in the core of her being that Homeworld was _wrong_?

How could she pretend that everyone and everything she had loved and cared about didn’t matter?

How could she be free, when she couldn’t talk to anyone or help them, couldn’t be herself, lest someone get hurt because of her?

She couldn’t bear to be alone, but she could bear to witness the injustices of Homeworld even less. She would rather fall to pieces than become a participant through helpless inaction.

Her gem glowed with a soft pink light. Slowly, carefully, she willed it to go out, to form an image of her dear ones. She wasn’t meant for this, wasn’t created with the intense concentration needed for this, but she didn’t care. The projection was hazy, not quite clear; her practice was paying off.

“I’m sorry.”

If there was one thing she was still capable of doing, it was remembering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, she's not doing so good.


	3. Fault Line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- Pink Diamond spends time with Yellow Diamond.

The first thing Yellow Diamond had felt was doubt. Pink was Rose Quartz? How ridiculous, impossible, utterly laughable. But the message had come from White, spoken from the mouth of her damaged, dead-eyed pearl, a pearl that had once been a happy bubblegum pink.

The second thing Yellow Diamond had felt was anger. How dare Pink get them all involved in her little game? How dare she cause the destruction of so many perfectly good gems? How dare she spread her corrupting ideas around and disrupt the natural order of things?

Without giving notice, she had gone to Pink’s moon base, and sent her pearl to Pink’s palanquin. Pink Diamond had been in neither of those places.

Pink had put up a decent fight, but hadn’t been able to dodge her lightning strikes for long. Just like that, the truth was revealed to everyone. Yellow had watched with bitter satisfaction as Rose Quartz’s army was engulfed in chaos. Many had died that day; the rest would soon be shattered to teach Pink a lesson.

White had given the orders. Yellow was to take over the colonization of Earth, Pink’s zoo was to be shut down and dismantled, and every Crystal Gem was to be apprehended and shattered in front of Pink Diamond.

Blue had pled for mercy. Couldn’t some of them be reprogrammed? Couldn’t some of them be reconditioned into proper members of society? Yellow had to agree; there had never been an execution as large as this. It was a massive waste of resources.

White’s word was final.

* * *

Yellow Diamond occupied herself with work, trying not to think of that day. She took more calls than she needed to, trying to drown out the sound of Pink’s screaming. She read through reports, letting numbers and words fill her mind instead of the image of Pink kneeling on the ground, her voice all but gone as she asked to be shattered.

Anything to distract from the knowledge that they had broken her.

Pink didn’t laugh anymore. She didn’t go running through the halls with wild abandon, singing silly songs. She didn’t ramble at anyone who would listen, or vibrate with excitement at new things. She didn’t come into Yellow’s control room unannounced to pester her with questions or press buttons that she shouldn’t.

Now, Pink was quiet. Now, Pink’s eyes were dull and vacant, her body bent as though a great weight rested on her shoulders. It had taken centuries for her to start talking again.

In the beginning, Yellow Diamond passed by Pink’s room more often than was necessary. The walls often shook with the force of Pink’s tantrums. Sometimes, she would shriek and sob for hours at a time, her voice laden with agony and her body left with bruises. Sometimes, when Yellow pressed her ear to the door, she could hear an incessant stream of apologies, or fragmented, one-sided conversations.

When these things started to happen less frequently, Yellow had hope. Pink could come out now, with supervision. Pink could begin to relearn all the things about her status that she seemed to have forgotten. And yet, she did not leave her room unless she was forced to. All she ever seemed to do was sleep.

Though she was not allowed to have a pearl, Blue sometimes sent hers to brush Pink’s tangled hair, to cleanse her tear-stained face and smooth her rumpled dress. Pink never spoke a word to her.

As Pink grew quieter, Yellow grew more worried. Pink had been such a social gem before, but now she chose to live in isolation. When she went out, she didn’t meet anyone’s eyes, and hardly seemed to register when someone was talking to her.

Yellow did not express her concerns; White would not care, and Blue was already struggling with the depression brought on by Pink’s suffering.

Yellow Diamond hoped that this trip would change things. Pink needed to be snapped out of it, needed to be shown that all she had to do was be a diamond, and everything would be okay.

How could she have been so stupid?

* * *

The Earth lay before them, its surface gray and marked by deep jagged holes. The colony was complete.

Pink stared out of the window of the moon base, her eyes wide and her arms wrapped around her middle. She didn’t move as Yellow gave her speech, save the trembling of her form and the tears that made twin rivers on her pale, pastel cheeks.

Yellow kept her eyes on her colony. She did not let her voice waver, not until Pink collapsed to her knees and she was forced to look at her small and fragile sister.

Pink’s hand was on the diamond in her navel. Her fingers were tensed, as if she was going to-

_“Please. Shatter me, too. Please…”_

_“Oh, Starlight. Don’t be silly.”_

Yellow Diamond froze, seized by a sudden fear.

By the time she started to move, Pink’s hand was clutching tightly at her other hand instead. Still, Yellow knelt beside her and put a hand on her shoulders. Pink stiffened at her touch.

“Pink, please. Y-You need to stop this.” Yellow blinked away the tears that wanted to fall, swallowed the tightness in her chest. “You’re being ridiculous, you should be happy to see-”

The words jammed in her throat as Pink’s head snapped up to meet her gaze. For once, Pink’s eyes weren’t glazed over. No, there was something hard and cold in them, something that made Yellow want to take a step back.

…

The moment passed as Pink looked down at her lap, her hands still folded together as if they could not be allowed to move. She was crying again. She always seemed to be crying.

Yellow Diamond looked out at the Earth, remembering the numerous calls Pink had made, pleading with them to spare it.

This trip was a mistake.

…

“…Do you want to go home?”

“…Yes.”

Something deep inside her told her that Pink hadn’t meant Homeworld.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lemon mom is starting to realize what she's done.


	4. Starlight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- Pink Diamond fights for her life.

White’s summons was abrupt, as always.

She was in the middle of training when the white bubble reared up beneath her and swallowed her alive.

Pink Diamond cursed under her breath, hastily straightening her appearance. She hardly had any time to prepare before she was deposited in White’s room.

“Ah, there you are, Starlight.”

Pink suppressed a shudder, staring up and up and up at her mother’s luminescent face. Her skin crawled with the ghosts of those who had died in this room.

She was supposed to salute, to say “My Diamond.” Instead, she bit out a terse “White.”

White Diamond clucked. “Have you learned your lesson? Are you ready to behave now? Everyone is so very eager to have you return to us.”

Pink said nothing, did nothing, tried to keep her expression blank. White always asked the same questions.

White seemed to lean a little closer. Pink bit down on the urge to shrink away.

“Come now, Pink. You were so excited to finally get to your duties. What happened?”

_I just had my eyes open, is all._ She kept her silence. Her hands unconsciously balled into fists. The sound of that saccharine voice echoed through the empty room.

“Surely you’re not still upset that you lost that little game of yours? It’s been 5000 years, after all. When are you going to learn?”

_It wasn’t a game it wasn’t you took everything from me_

The same answer she always gave escaped her in a whisper. “ _Never_.”

White’s eyelids lowered, just slightly.

She was crying again. She bent her head, trying to hide her tears. There was just so much, her heart couldn’t contain it all. They all lived in her, now.

“Oh, Starlight...” White Diamond’s voice was hushed. “What a shame.”

Something in the tone triggered her instincts. Pink looked up. Before she could react, White’s enormous hand wrapped around her, squeezing firmly. The ground fell away as she was lifted up to eye level.

“ _My patience has run out_.”

Pink felt nothing but utter terror. She had never, _ever_ seen White move. She loomed close, much too close.

“Wh-White, what are you-”

“Well, we’ll just have to fix you up, won’t we? We’ll just take away all those nasty little thoughts and then you’ll be better.”

It suddenly clicked. Her pearl, her _first_ pearl-

She tried to struggle. “No! You can’t! White, please!”

White bent her head and increased the pressure. “Now now, Starlight. It’ll all be over soon enough.”

White’s thumb shifted, covering her mouth, pressing into her left eye socket. Pressing, pressing, the sharp fingernail piercing her skin. White’s glowing gem dominated her sight, mere feet away. Everything was growing brighter, harsh light blooming in her vision, engulfing her.

She couldn’t see, there was nothing but white _no! no! she couldn’t_

Pain burst through Pink’s entire being. She screamed. She could feel everything slipping away, slipping right through her fingers. It was all being replaced by a sense of cold blankness, sung in a never-ending song.

_You will fulfill your purpose. You will do as I say. Nothing else matters but me. You will fulfill your purpose. You will do as I say. Nothing else matters but me. You will fulfill your purp- **no**_

_You will- **NO**_

She saw pink sparks.

A thousand faces, a thousand experiences filled her mind. Smiles, and laughter, and the heat of battle and comfort afterwards. And love, so much love.

**_YOU CAN’T MAKE ME FORGET_ **

She fought with everything she was, struggling blindly against the invading force.

She managed to get her arm free and-

_crack_

Everything stopped, all at once. The white light dissipated.

White’s eyes were blown wide, shocked. A hairline fracture marred her gem.

Pink was frozen, a dull pain radiating from her clenched fist.

The crack widened. White’s form began to glitch.

“P-Pink! Please-!”

White was _afraid_. Pink could save her.

But Pink Diamond did nothing. All she could think about were the gems who had suffered at White’s hand, and the terrible thing she had been about to do to her.

The crack spread, faster and faster, branching out until-

There was a deafening concussive blast, and the room went dark as the dust faded away.

Pink Diamond fell soundlessly to the ground, accompanied by the tinkling music of White Diamond’s shards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if mind-wiping is something White Diamond can actually do, but I wouldn't put it past the realm of possibility. She terrifies me.


	5. Burning Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- Pink Diamond fights for her freedom.

Pink Diamond remained on her back for what seemed like eons. Her ears were ringing, and her mind was dazed. The left side of her face burned and ached.

Finally, she stood. She stared blankly around the room, struggling to process what had just happened. Around her were hundreds of shards, sparkling in what little light remained. It was strangely beautiful.

She touched her face. Where it hurt, her skin was no longer smooth and soft.

White-

White had wanted to-

She’d been going to erase her. Erase all her memories and take away everything that made her who she was. Pink knew, because she’d seen it done before, to her own pearl, who had only done what had been asked of her and suffered because of it.

And she had-

She had…

She had fought, fought to save what little she had left. And somehow, she had gotten free and-

She… She hadn’t meant to, _she hadn’t meant to_ , she had just lashed out blindly and…

It wasn’t her fault that White had been so close.

Unfeeling, she knelt and picked up a shard. It was small and jagged, rough against her fingers. Falling so far had turned the pieces into gravel.

She dropped it and continued to stand there, waiting. The room seemed impossibly vast and empty without White Diamond to fill it.

She soon heard the thunder of distant footsteps. They grew closer, split into two sets, shook the world. A moment longer, and the door was violently forced open.

Blue and Yellow Diamond entered, prepared to fight whatever horrible foe had slipped into White’s sanctuary. Instead, they found only their little sister, standing lost amidst a sea of shards.

Silence reigned as they processed what they saw.

“You little fool…” Yellow Diamond whispered. “ _What have you done._ ”

Pink turned towards them, watched them gasp, watched Blue Diamond’s hands fly to her mouth, watched Yellow Diamond’s body tense in horror. She knew what they saw. She had seen herself reflected in White’s gem, moments before it had shattered completely.

A series of cracks spread out from her left eye, trailing down her cheek. Where they touched, her skin was a dull, sickly gray, the pink leeched right out of it. Faint lines marked the eye itself, and her once bright magenta iris had faded to a pale, ghostly coral. She knew at once that the damage was permanent, and hardly cared.

Yellow and Blue didn’t move. They knew what the cracks meant, too.

Pink waited, feeling nothing and everything at once. She met their gazes evenly. She must look like an utter disaster, like she had lost her mind. Maybe she had.

Yellow snapped out of it first, taking a step into the room. She winced when a loud _crunch_ resulted, growing paler. None of them had quite processed that White Diamond was gone yet.

“G-Go to your room,” Yellow said, her voice quiet and shaken. “We’ll decide what to do with you later.” She looked over her shoulder at Blue, spurring her into movement. Blue’s hands came away from her face, and she carefully began to gather the shards.

Something in Pink Diamond shifted. Something stirred. Something that had been left rotting inside of her for much too long.

She didn’t know what was going to happen. What she _did_ know was that she never wanted to return to that room again.

“No.”

“Go. _Now_ ,” Yellow commanded, voice rising. Blue stopped what she was doing, clutching White’s shards to her bosom in fear.

Pink frowned, staring Yellow in the eye. “No,” she said again, firm and cold. “I’m not going back.”

She began to walk towards the door, intending to brush by Yellow and leave. She barely felt the shards cutting into her bare feet.

Yellow stopped her, grabbing her by the arm. “Pink, you will go to your room and you will go now. I’ll drag you there myself if I have to.”

Pink pulled away, leaping back and putting several yards between herself and Yellow. She settled automatically into a fighting stance. Pink sparks danced in the air around her form. “I’m not letting you lock me up again, Yellow. Move aside and let me leave.”

Yellow felt a chill. What she had seen a glimpse of so long ago was coming out in full force. At last, she recognized it as a great and terrible hatred.

Pink had to be shut down, _now_.

Yellow’s aura flared up, and she fired a bolt of lightning directly at Pink. A shield that had not been summoned in millennia redirected it back towards her. Yellow dodged it, stepping to the side, her face lined with fury.

Everything was clicking into place for Pink Diamond. White was _gone_. White, who was an immovable wall, an impossible hurdle, who insisted that she be pushed and pulled and twisted until she was something she didn’t want to be, was shattered. She was finally, blessedly free of her, and she _would not_ be stopped again.

Yellow moved, firing again, and Pink raised her shield to deflect it once more. Her old, battle-hardened instincts fired into overdrive, assessing the situation. In her periphery, she saw Blue back away, confused and afraid. Pink braced herself as Yellow came towards her. Yellow’s fist hit her shield with the force of a crashing meteor; her knees threatened to buckle.

Before another blow could fall, Pink dashed in between Yellow’s legs and hit her in the back of her knee. Yellow stumbled, but turned and kicked the smaller diamond. Pink flew back a few hundred feet, her shield dissipating as she tumbled on the ground.

“That is enough, Pink!” Yellow boomed, her aura crackling around her.

Pink got up, unminding of the various scrapes and bruises she’d just received. Her anger, her hatred and guilt and grief and fear and all of the crushing things she’d been left alone to feel for thousands of years exploded out of her, forming a blazing pink aura.  “ _I’m not going back_ ,” she growled.

Yellow launched another bolt; Pink stood still, defiant. Yellow’s lightning evaporated uselessly the moment it hit Pink’s aura.

Without warning, Pink ran towards Yellow, summoning another shield. She threw it at Yellow’s face, using the distraction to get in close again.

Blue Diamond watched in horror and worry, not knowing what to do. She watched as Pink seemed to dart effortlessly around Yellow, using her smaller size to her advantage. She delivered bruising blow after blow to Yellow. Even when Yellow caught her, she would break free. Even when Yellow knocked her away, she got back up as if she hadn’t felt the hit. Her burning aura easily overpowered Yellow’s own.

Blue Diamond gasped when Yellow suddenly froze.

Pink’s hand was digging painfully into the yellow gem’s collar, her feet braced against Yellow’s hips. Pink’s gaze drilled into Yellow’s, her expression utterly merciless, her eyes cold and cruel.

Her fist had stopped inches from Yellow’s gem.

For once in her life, Pink Diamond looked every bit like the diamond that she was meant to be.

Nobody moved for several seconds, until Pink let go and dropped to the floor. She walked towards the door and left without another word, leaving her two shell-shocked sisters to pick up the pieces.

Her aura faded gradually as she calmly went through the halls. The gems she passed hid from her, or wisely got out of her way.  She didn’t know where she was going; she just wanted it to be away from here.

She came to a halt when she reached the opening in the face of White Diamond’s ship. Before her was all of Homeworld. It was organized, lifeless, unfeeling.

Across from her, on the other side of the docking bay, stood her own ship. A ridiculous pair of hot pink legs, perfect for who she used to be. She could leave, and never come back. She wanted to.

But she had always been able to escape, if she had _truly_ wanted to. No. White was gone, and she could finally follow her heart again.

So she leapt out into the dead, unmoving air. She slowed her descent, landing on the roof of a building. She leapt again, moving from structure to structure with careless, directionless abandon. Those who saw her that day would later say that she almost seemed to be dancing.

With one last bound, Pink Diamond sailed out into open nothingness, and descended down and down into the unknown abyss of Homeworld’s depths.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who Would Win: 1 Anger Mom, or 5000 Years of Repressed Suffering?
> 
> Above is a picture I drew of what Pink looks like now. I don't have the artistic skill to make the damage look as bad as I can describe with words, but it gets across well enough I think.
> 
> In fact, that singular concept is responsible for this entire story; one morning, I woke up with the half-formed idea of "the cracks on White Pearl's face sure are creepy, what if I put them on Pink Diamond's face?" I stayed in bed for another hour thinking about how and why that would be done to her, how she would manage to escape from being completely brainwashed, and what she would do afterwards. So you can thank my half-asleep brain for coming up with weird shit, as it does.


	6. Strangers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- Pink Diamond finds hope in a dark place.

It was dark here. It was cold, and bleak, and abandoned. It was Homeworld's rotten core, a foundation of crumbling walls and empty echoes. The holes seemed endless; they made her shudder.

It was a good place to hide; she needed to think. It was hard, though, when the very air seemed to suffocate her.

She'd been down here for weeks, and had seen no signs of life. There were only cruel robonoids made to shatter, and the weight of isolation on her shoulders.

She was still struggling to understand what she'd done. She had shattered White, and could have shattered Yellow, too. She didn't want to hurt Blue or Yellow, but she wasn't going to let them stop her from doing what was right.

Before, she had fought for Earth. Now, Earth was gone. Now, she had to fight for gems.

She couldn't fend off her doubt. Could she really change things? Where could she even start?

It was so hard to focus when she just wanted to cram herself into a hole and cry. It was so hard, when she could think only of what would happen if she failed again, of how people wouldn't trust her, they'd be afraid, would they only fight because she said to?

She continued to wander, trying and failing to hold herself together.

* * *

She heard a noise, a small scuffling footstep. She tensed, turning towards the sound. She didn't see anything, didn't hear anything more.

"…H-Hello?" she called.

There was no answer.

"Is anyone there?"

There was only her own voice echoing back at her.

" _Please…_ "

She hid her face in her hands and sobbed.

* * *

Ru and Tile pressed their back against the rock they were hiding behind, staying as still as they could. She had almost caught sight of them. Her crying pulled at their hearts, but they remained where they were until she left.

They still didn't know what to think of the strange pink gem. She was tall, and obviously emotionally distressed. Her dress was dirty and torn, and her hair was wild and tangled. When they had first seen her about two weeks ago, she had been covered in half-healed injuries. Not to mention, there were ugly cracks marring her otherwise pretty face. In other words, she seemed like a complete mess.

Tile thought that she might be Pink Diamond. Ru thought that was ridiculous. What would a diamond be doing down here all by herself, just wandering around and crying? But the gemstone in her navel and the odd shape of her pupils seemed to say otherwise.

They hadn't told the others yet. They didn't want to freak them out, and they'd have to move, and, well, they were curious, too. They hadn't been up to the surface lately for news, but they did know that it was very rare to see Pink Diamond out and about. How had she gotten here and what was she up to?

"We could just ask her," Tile suggested.

"Are you nuts?! She'll shatter us on sight!" Ru exclaimed, throwing up her arm in exasperation.

"I don't know…" Tile rubbed her chin. "She seems to be searching for something."

"Yeah, maybe she's lost her mind and now she's looking for gems to shatter."

Tile flicked Ru on the cheek. "She just looks lost to me. She's all alone."

Ru couldn't fault her twin for feeling pity. She was pretty sure it would get them killed one day.

The next time they spied on Pink Diamond, they made a mistake and she spotted them, ending the debate once and for all.

* * *

They remained frozen as she stared at them, her eyes wide and her mouth slightly ajar, as if she couldn't believe what she saw.

Ru and Tile waited, holding each other's hands. Any moment now, they'd feel their gem crushed to pieces by this stranger's hand.

But she didn't move, didn't come towards them, only stared. Finally, she spoke, her voice soft and hesitant. "H-Hello…" She started wringing her hands together nervously.

"…Hi?" Tile said awkwardly. Neither of them liked the way she was examining them. She didn't seem to be bothered by their appearance, strangely enough.

"Who are you?" she asked.

"I-I'm Tile…" When Ru didn't say anything, she nodded her head to the left. "This is Ru."

"Oh!" Her eyes seemed to light up, even the sickly-looking one. "You're two gems, but not a fusion… How interesting."

There was another heavy silence. "And you are?" Ru asked, starting to get fed up with this, though she dreaded the answer. Why had this stranger understood what they were so easily?

"I…" The pink gem trailed off, looking down at her feet. "I'm Pink Diamond…" she said, so quietly that they almost didn't hear her.

Well, that confirmed it. They needed to start running  _right_ now.

"It's nice to meet you…" Pink Diamond continued. Wavering, she took a tiny step towards them.

They balked and retreated behind their hiding place.

"It-It's ok! I'm not going to hurt you…"

As if  _that_  was believable. "Why is she toying with us?" Ru whispered.

"I don't know, why doesn't she just get it over with?" Tile whispered back.

They heard a heavy thump, followed by a weary sigh.

* * *

Pink sat down with a sigh, her hair falling in her face as she bent her head. She didn't know what to do. She hadn't spoken to anyone except her sisters in thousands of years. It had been so easy and natural for Rose Quartz to talk to people, because she wasn't a diamond, she was just a regular ol' quartz and there was no reason to be afraid of her.

It was a huge relief, just running into someone new. She hadn't meant to frighten them, it was just so exciting and they were so interesting and she wanted to get to know them. It had been so long since she'd felt anything like this!

She hated the way they looked at her, expecting her to shatter them at any moment. She didn't know how to talk to them, how to reassure them that she was not, in fact, a merciless, murderous diamond.

What if she messed up? What if everyone ran away from her? What would she do then?

She took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves. She just needed to be herself and let it come naturally. If they didn't like her, then at least she'd tried.

She pushed away the thought that maybe she didn't quite know who she was anymore.

* * *

"I-I'm sorry… I didn't mean to scare you…"

Seeing as nothing had happened yet, the pair peeked out from behind their boulder. Pink Diamond was sitting on the ground, her legs folded under her. Her body language screamed dejection. Her face was wet.

Tile's eyes watered a bit. "You're…really not going to shatter us?"

"Stars, no! I don't  _like_  hurting people. I don't  _want_  to hurt anyone!"

They flinched at the volume of her voice. She seemed to realize that she was kind of yelling and spoke more softly. "Sure, you might be a little unconventional, but that's alright. Nobody deserves to be shattered for being different…"

Ru and Tile shared a look with each other. That…was pretty much the last thing they'd expect to hear a diamond say. "That's…" Ru started, then trailed off, not knowing what to say to that.

She looked at them sadly, her voice mellow. "No one has ever said that to you, have they…"

They shook their heads, confused.

Pink Diamond sighed, her gaze falling to the ground again. "It shouldn't be that way…"

Tile looked at her twin. Ru bit her lip, then nodded. They carefully stepped out into the open. "Why are you here?" Ru asked.

It took her a long moment to answer. "I'm looking for gems who are outside of Homeworld's system. Gems like the both of you."

"What? Why?" Ru questioned. "We're worthless…"

"And defective…" Tile added sadly. "Who would ever want us?"

" _I_  do."

They gasped.

Pink Diamond seemed to sit up straighter. Her brow furrowed. "I don't think you're worthless, or wrong. I've never seen anyone like the two of you before! You're unique, and that's amazing!"

They were silent as they processed this. Tile started to cry. "Don't make fun of us!" Ru snapped, shedding a few tears as well.

Pink Diamond's brows rose in surprise. She blinked, then stood up and slowly came towards them. They shrank back.

The diamond gracefully sat down in front of them. She calmly reached out a hand, and they closed their eyes, awaiting the worst.

They definitely did not expect her to gently wipe away their tears before lightly grasping their hands in her own. There was a deep sadness in her eyes, escaping in fresh tears. Ru and Tile relaxed somewhat, baffled and blushing slightly.

"This is why I'm here…" she spoke, her voice warm and kind. "It's not fair that you have to live down here, fighting for your lives. You should be free, free to be yourselves, free to do what you love."

Both of their mouths were hanging open, but they didn't notice.

"I'm not like my sisters. They think that gems are expendable, that defects are useless." Pink Diamond shook her head. "I don't believe that. I believe that all gems are unique and irreplaceable. They aren't expendable, and being different isn't bad. The way things are on Homeworld is despicable. I feel sick just thinking about the way gems live in constant fear." She frowned, a little frustrated. "I mean, you thought I was gonna kill you just for existing! It isn't right…"

The twins were taken aback, awed by the fierce conviction in her words. "Y-You don't think we're wrong?" Tile asked in a choked voice.

"No, not at all." Pink Diamond smiled at them. "You're both perfect, just the way you are."

Then both of them were crying, awed at the compassion they were being met with. They felt warm inside.

The conversation lulled. After a few moments, the diamond stood and began to slowly walk around, running her hand along the walls.

The twins weren't sure what to do, either. "So… You want to help us?" Tile asked carefully. She thought that Pink Diamond didn't seem like a mean or violent person, she just seemed sad and broken. Ru wasn't as trusting, but couldn't deny that they were still standing there unharmed, so maybe she'd meant what she said.

The diamond nodded. "Yes. I want to leave Homeworld, but I want to free as many gems as I can and take them with me."

"You have someplace in mind?" Ru asked, feeling hope swell in her chest. Was there really a place where they didn't have to be afraid?

"Well, no." The diamond put a hand on her chin, thinking. "I just know I want to go as far away as I can. I'm sure there's a nice planet out there that I can live on in peace." She turned to them. "Would you like to come with me?"

Ru looked at Tile, and Tile looked at Ru. Their eyes were bright with growing excitement. "You really mean it?" they both exclaimed.

"Of course!" She smiled back, also visibly excited.

"Then yes! That sounds amazing!" Tile said.

"We'll have to talk about it with our friends," Ru said.

"Oh, there are more of you?" The diamond cocked her head curiously.

Ru realized that maybe she shouldn't have mentioned them. "Y-Yeah. I'm not gonna tell you where they are though, no offense."

"Oh, alright." She looked a little disappointed, but understood their hesitation. "I'm just glad you're not alone down here. Well, you have each other, but- Oh, you know what I mean."

They just nodded. It  _was_  nice to have more people watching out for each other. It was a little less lonely that way.

"I would like to meet them…if they're ok with that." Pink Diamond looked at them pleadingly, as if afraid that they'd say no.

Tile smiled. "We'll tell them about you, don't worry."

"Thank you." She smiled at them gratefully, making them feel all warm again. "I hope they won't freak out too badly. I guess I'll just stay here so you can find me… Promise you'll come back?"

"Sure," Ru said, biting back her worry.

"Thank you," Pink Diamond said again. "Stay safe, ok?"

"We will!" Tile said cheerfully. "Bye!" She waved, giggling when the diamond waved back amicably.

All three gems could hardly believe their luck, and parted feeling better than they had in eons.

* * *

" ** _WHAT._** "

Rhodonite's scream echoed off the canyon walls. All four of her hands flew to her mouth and covered it.

"You saw Pink Diamond?" Fluorite questioned.

Tile rubbed the back of her head. "Not just saw. We kind of…talked to her?"

"Pink Diamond?!" Padparadscha yelped.

Rhodonite immediately started to fuss over them, poking and prodding and checking them for injury. "I can't believe it, how are you even alive right now?"

Ru waved her away. "We're fine, we're fine."

"She was pretty nice, actually," Tile said.

"Are you sure it was her?" Rhodonite pulled at her hair frantically. "What was she even doing down here?!"

Ru rubbed her chin. "Well, I'm not a hundred percent sure, but I've definitely never seen a gemstone like hers."

"She said she was looking for gems like us," Tile supplied.

"What for?" Fluorite's three pairs of eyes looked at them intently.

Tile lit up. "She wants to leave Homeworld! She asked us to come with her, if we wanted to."

"She… She didn't think we were wrong…" Ru blushed, remembering the warm feeling.

Rhodonite looked at Fluorite in disbelief. "Of course we're wrong! She must have lost her mind, it's probably not even her!"

"Searching for off-colors? How strange!" Padparadscha exclaimed, hands going to her face in shock.

"Hmm…" Fluorite looked thoughtful. "Pink Diamond has lived in isolation for eons."

"She said she didn't agree with the way the other diamonds did things, maybe that's why?" Tile speculated.

"She definitely could have shattered us, if she had wanted to."

"So what?!" Rhodonite gestured at them. "You're just gonna trust her? Just like that?"

The Rutiles frowned. It was a little hard to explain what they'd felt. "Well no, of course not," Ru said.

"It's just… If there's a chance that we can get out of here…" Tile continued. "Shouldn't we take it?"

"It  _would_  be nice…" Fluorite sighed.

"No. Way." Rhodonite crossed her arms. "We're safe here! And I don't know about you, but I'm not going anywhere with some crazy gem who thinks she's a diamond."

"Everyone!" Padparadscha interrupted loudly. "I'm seeing a most worrisome vision! Pink Diamond will follow you and hide somewhere around…there!" She turned and exuberantly pointed at a large boulder just inside the entrance to their hiding place.

Rhodonite immediately hid behind Fluorite, taking Padparadscha with her. The larger fusion looked shocked.

"W-What? She followed us?" Tile gasped.

Ru looked at her sister. "Didn't she say she was going to stay where she was?"

The twins moved closer to Fluorite, suddenly apprehensive. Had this all been a trick?

It was quiet for a moment, until there was the rustling of fabric. They all crowded closer together when a tall pink gem peeked out from behind the rock, shamefaced. "S-Sorry…" she said sheepishly. "I was afraid you wouldn't come back…"

Some of Fluorite's components had seen her, a long time ago. She looked a little different now, with a flowing dress and rose-colored stripes on her elbow-length gloves. The diamond-shape of her pupils was confirmation enough for the older gems. The normally easygoing fusion tensed, ready to protect the others, though she didn't know what she could do to fight.

Pink Diamond took a few steps closer, but maintained a respectable distance. She was looking at them with open curiosity, her eyes sparkling. She seemed delighted to see fusions; Rhodonite looked like she might faint.

"Did you really mean all those things you said?" Tile questioned, upset.

Pink Diamond blinked. "Of course!"

"P-P-P-Please don't hurt us…" Rhodonite whimpered, shivering.

"What? I'm not going to hurt you…" She trailed off, taking them in. She saw the way the smaller fusion clutched the orange gem to her chest, noticed the way Ru and Tile's fists were balled tensely, observed the way the big fusion hovered protectively over her friends. She'd messed up.

"Then just go," Ru said firmly.

Pink Diamond seemed to deflate. She nodded slowly, and left without another word.

The off-colors didn't relax until Padparadscha said, "Oh my! I'm receiving a wondrous vision! Pink Diamond will leave without shattering us!"

"Great! We have to move now!" Rhodonite huffed, still shaking. She rounded on the twins. "What did you go and let her see you for?!"

Ru frowned. "Well gee, it's not like we did it on purpose!"

"Definitely an accident," Tile agreed.

"It doesn't matter if it was on purpose! Now we have to go out there and…" The fusion wrung her hands nervously. "We're going to be so exposed!"

Fluorite put a comforting hand on her friend's shoulder. "We'll be fine…" she reassured softly, pondering.

* * *

Pink went back the way she came, stone-faced as she heard arguing in the distance. She should have waited, she should have just waited! Those gems had needed time to process things and prepare to talk to her, but nooo, she just couldn't wait, could she!

But, she really had been scared… A few minutes after the two rutiles left, the silence had crept up on her, pushing out all the nice feelings of meeting new friends. She'd gotten anxious, wondering if they were actually going to come back, or if they had just said that to get away. It had taken so long to run into someone, how long would it take next time?

She'd decided to follow them, to see what they'd say to their friends. Even though it had been a long time since she'd needed to, she still knew how to sneak around with complete silence. It hadn't been too hard to keep track of them once she caught up. She had been planning to leave after listening for a bit, but that orange gem had caught her out.

She was angry, but only at herself. It wasn't their fault for being scared. She couldn't blame those two for thinking she might have misled them. She could only imagine how awful they must feel, thinking that they'd led a deadly enemy to their dear friends.

She stopped walking when she got to the place where she should have waited. She crammed herself into a hole that wasn't quite big enough for her and tucked her legs to her body. She wanted to cry or scream, but mostly just felt empty. She'd botched things really badly, and the faint hope she'd been harboring flickered and almost died.

Pink remained as unmoving as the stone around her. For a while, the only sound was the dripping of her tears. That is, until she heard something that was becoming all too familiar, something that immediately put her on high alert. It was the humming of shattering robonoids, reverberating from somewhere above her.

She crept out of the hole, unconcerned about being found. She'd already trashed several of those awful things. She couldn't see them from here, so she leapt up high, bounding off the walls until she spotted them. It was a rather large group; there were at least eighteen. With a chill, she realized they were headed in the direction that she had just come from not too long ago.

In the direction of those gems.

* * *

The off-colors were unprepared when the robonoids swooped down on them from above. There wasn't time to hide, and there wasn't anywhere to hide anyway. Fluorite moved in front of the others, protecting them from being scanned but getting scanned herself. The piercing beams were charged and-

A pink disc suddenly slammed into the lead robonoid, lodging almost all the way through it as it crashed to the ground. A large pink shape fell among them, destroying two more robonoids and darting out of the crowd before the dust cleared.

"Go!" Pink Diamond commanded, looking over her shoulder at them as she summoned another shield. All of the robonoids focused their attention on her. One tried to shoot her, and its beam was reflected back, cutting it in half. She viciously batted another one away with her shield, sending it spinning into a wall.

The off-colors were quick to comply, moving away and hiding, looking on with wide eyes as the diamond cut through the drones with precision and grace. Every time one fired at her, she would block it, or dance out of the way. One strike was enough to break them to pieces.

Any impression the rutiles had of her being weak or fragile vanished. Right now, she didn't look like a mess. She looked powerful and fierce, with an enraged snarl on her face. She could have easily crossed the distance she had kept between them earlier with a single leap.

"Friends, I'm receiving an extraordinary vision!" a cheerful voice piped up. "We will be discovered by many robonoids…"

" _Padparadscha!"_  Rhodonite hissed, realizing the little sapphire had gotten away from her.

Pink Diamond's eyes widened as she noticed the small orange gem standing there out in the open. A robonoid had already found her gem and was preparing to fire.

Quicker than lightning, the diamond dashed toward her. There was a boom and the off-colors gasped, sighing in relief when the smoke cleared.

"But Pink Diamond will save us!" the sapphire finished her prophecy, oblivious to the pink bubble she was standing in or the protective arms around her.

The drones clustered around them, firing at the bubble. It started to crack, but it popped voluntarily before it could break. Cradling Padparadscha with one arm, Pink Diamond barged forward, knocking the robonoids away with her shield.

They watched in amazement as the diamond made short work of the remaining robonoids, taking the astonished sapphire along for the ride. With one final jump, she kicked the last drone to the ground, crushing it under her bare foot.

And then, Pink Diamond stood there for a moment, breathing heavily with exertion. She spat on the broken bits of metal, bearing a disgusted expression, before turning to them. The unforgiving hardness melted away from her as she approached them. By the time she got to them, the twins could recognize the awkward, warm gem they had met before.

She very gently set Padparadscha down, waiting a moment until she was certain the orange sapphire had her feet. The diamond casually brushed off her dress as she softly asked, "Are all of you alright?"

They all nodded, rendered mute.

She looked at them, and when she was satisfied that they were fine, something shifted in her eyes, and she once again walked away without another word.

"I predict that Pink Diamond will depart with great sadness…" Padparadscha murmured, concerned. Rhodonite fretted over the sapphire, scolding her for not staying put.

Tile looked at Ru. "Maybe we were wrong…" she said. Ru nodded, eyes downcast.

"Hmm…" Fluorite merely looked thoughtful. After a moment, she set off after the diamond.

"Where are you going?" Rhodonite asked, alarmed.

Fluorite just gestured for them to follow.

* * *

At first, they couldn't find her, not until they heard the crying. Fluorite led the way, with Rhodonite far in the back. They soon saw her, sitting in a hole with her arms wrapped around her knees and her head buried in her arms. Her shoulders shook with her sobs.

The other four hung back as Fluorite cautiously crept up to her. She kept her voice quiet and calm as she spoke. "Why are you crying?"

Pink Diamond gasped, startled. Her gaze snapped to Fluorite, eyes widened in a slightly fearful expression. Tears continued to trickle down her cheeks.

On one side, the liquid sparkled, crystal clear. On the other side, the damaged side, the tears were slightly milky. One of Fluorite's components had a vague idea of what those cracks were, but it didn't make sense.

Pink Diamond stared into the fusion's eyes for what seemed like hours, searching. Finally, she sighed heavily and looked away, answering in a shaky voice as she hid her face. "Because I'm alone…and have been for a very long time…"

Fluorite chewed on that for a moment before coming to a decision. She bent down and reached into the hole, delicately coaxing the diamond into a soft embrace. Pink Diamond offered no resistance, looking completely baffled. A second passed as she processed what this was, and then she began to blink rapidly as her eyes watered further. Her expression crumpled painfully, and she pressed her face into Fluorite's side, hugging her in return. Her whole, trembling body soon followed as Fluorite curled around her, and she began to cry even harder.

"Let it all out, dear…" Fluorite hummed as she smoothed the pink gem's messy hair with one hand. Another hand rubbed her shoulders in small, comforting circles. She liked the way the diamond was mindful of her strength, holding on with only the lightest pressure.

Ru and Tile glanced at one another, astonished. Fluorite was doing an awful lot of things that should have gotten her shattered. She was fused, for one thing. And she was touching a diamond, which was definitely not allowed.

But Pink Diamond didn't seem to care. In between her sobs, she whispered a muffled, broken 'thank you'.

Padparadscha stepped forward, unafraid. She sat down next to them, politely folding her hands in her lap. A few seconds later, the twins followed. It took much longer for Rhodonite to join them, and she didn't come as close.

Quite some time later, Pink Diamond's weeping quieted. Nobody said anything until they realized she had actually fallen asleep. Pink Diamond looked small and vulnerable, curled into a ball against the fusion's side. Fluorite smiled wryly and shifted into a more comfortable position, careful not to wake the exhausted gem. She didn't much mind being used as a pillow.

"Can we trust her?" Tile asked quietly.

Fluorite nodded thoughtfully. "She has a vast and terrible pain deep inside her…" She was still brushing the diamond's hair in a tender, motherly way. "I think we should at least hear what she has to say…"

Ru and Tile agreed. Rhodonite didn't know what to think.

"I predict that Pink Diamond will have a good nap," Padparadscha said, smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Emotionally damaged person who hasn't had a real conversation in 5000 years + two people who are 99% sure they're about to die right now = Awkward City. I had to rewrite that encounter a few times because it was just so awkward.
> 
> Fluorite has a really big heart; she has already decided Pink needs hugs. I said 'fuck that' to her slow-ass speech pattern because it's just entirely unnecessary and bothersome.
> 
> I also wanted to make the Rutiles more individual, since I view them as two different people in one body. So I didn't do the twin thing where they finish each other's sentences or say the same thing simultaneously; it's an annoying trope anyway. Ru is more sassy and cautious while Tile is a more compassionate, cries-because-swans-can-be-gay type. Both of them are curious and courageous people.


	7. The Crystal Gems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- Pink Diamond tells a story.

Pink didn’t know where she was, at first. She gasped, startling because she could feel eyes on her, and a warm body against hers.

She sat up carefully, remembering what had happened as she saw the off-colors gathered around her. “Good morning, dear,” the big fusion said.

She looked up, blushing a little with embarrassment. She finally relaxed, her expression lightening as she replied, “Thank you…”

The fusion smiled back and moved away, giving her space. Pink remained sitting, not sure what to do next. “All of you came to find me? Why?”

“We wanted to hear you out,” Tile said.

“I’m sorry I followed you…” Pink said to the duo. “I didn’t want to be left alone.”

The rutiles crossed their arms. “Well, we did say we would come back, didn’t we?” Ru huffed.

Pink’s expression hardened, just a bit. “I didn’t know if you meant it. It wouldn’t be the first time someone has lied to me and gone along with what I said trying to impress me or get away from me.”

Ru deflated, while a small ‘oh’ escaped from Tile.

She softened. “It’s alright. It’s just something that comes with status.” There was a bitter edge to her words. “Well, I suppose introductions are in order?” She looked at Ru and Tile. “I already know who the two of you are, and you all know who I am, so…” Her gaze moved to the small orange gem.

“Um, that’s Padparadscha,” Ru intervened, worried that the diamond wouldn’t have the patience to wait for the sapphire to answer.

“She predicts things that have already happened,” Tile explained. “She’s a little behind…”

“Oh?” Well, that explained why she’d been in harm’s way. “It’s nice to meet you, Padparadscha.” She gave herself kudos for pronouncing that correctly on the first try. “And you?” she said, looking at the large fusion.

“I’m Fluorite,” she replied warmly.

“It’s nice to meet you, Fluorite.” Pink smiled back. She was glad the fusion seemed relatively comfortable around her.

“Hello, I’m Padparadscha!” the sapphire cut in chipperly. The others looked a little nervous, but Pink only smiled fondly. She thought the little gem was incredibly adorable.

The last off-color stepped forward, trembling. When Pink’s attention turned to her, she started to shake harder. A second passed, and she suddenly saluted with both pairs of arms. “M-My Diamond!”

The diamond stiffened immediately, her shoulders hunching up in discomfort. She turned her head away, grimacing. “You-You don’t have to do that…”

Ru, Tile, and Fluorite traded glances, puzzled. Rhodonite shakily dropped the salute. “W-We’ll unfuse right away!”

“No!” Everyone flinched. Pink lowered her voice. “It’s ok, really. It doesn’t bother me… I’m happy to see that love can persist in a place like this,” she reassured earnestly, her brow furrowed in worry.

The fusion finally seemed to relax slightly. “If you say so… I’m Rhodonite…”

“It’s nice to meet you, Rhodonite,” the diamond said warmly. “Please don’t be scared, I’m not going to hurt anyone, I promise.”

Rhodonite didn’t look comforted. “That’s what the twins said, but…”

Pink just sighed, looking crestfallen. She had better get this out of the way. “I don’t want to be a diamond…” she murmured. “So please don’t treat me like one.”

“Why wouldn’t you want to be a diamond?” Tile questioned, raising an eyebrow.

“Because! A diamond is supposed to be an almighty authority, cruel and perfect and cold. Right?” Everyone nodded. “I’ve never been like that. I don’t _like_ being those things. It just isn’t me.” She leaned back against the wall, exasperated.

“You don’t feel like a diamond?” Fluorite figured it was something like that.

“I never have,” Pink answered simply. “I’d rather have friends than a court full of people who are petrified of me.” She glanced at all of them. “You can just call me Pink, if you’d like.”

Rhodonite shuffled a little closer to Fluorite. Was this diamond really trying to imply that she was off-color? “So why are you here? The twins said you were looking for defective gems like us, but I don’t get what for.”

“I’ve been waiting a very long time for a chance to fight for gems like all of you…” The diamond smiled softly to herself, looking down at where her hands rested in her lap. “Now, I finally can.”

“Fight? For us?” Fluorite wondered.

Ru frowned, tilting her head to the side a little. “What stopped you before?” It sure would have been nice to know that a diamond approved of their existence _before_ they were exiled.

“My sisters, the other three diamonds. I could never get them to listen to me, and if I tried to do anything to help before, it would have only ended in shards.” She looked up at the active part of Homeworld, looming far above their heads. “But now… White Diamond is gone, and Blue and Yellow cannot stop me.”

“Wait what?” Rhodonite blurted out.

“Gone? What do you mean White Diamond is gone?” Tile questioned, disbelieving.

Pink looked ashamed and guilty, but also relieved. “I…shattered her.”

“You what?!” Rhodonite exclaimed even louder. She pulled at her hair, stressed, as the others were left awestruck. A diamond, being shattered? That was impossible, unbelievable, inconceivable.

“It was an accident. She-She was…” Pink’s arms went around her middle. “She was going to erase my memories…” Her voice grew so quiet and broken, they could barely hear her. “I was just trying to defend myself! I-I didn’t mean to hit her gem, I-I…” She buried her face in her hands and began to cry.

Padparadscha gasped. “Pink Diamond shattered White Diamond?!”

Everyone looked at each other, not knowing what to think. Is that why she’d fled down here? It sounded like self-defense, but… “She can just do that? Erase someone like that?” Ru asked quietly.

Pink nodded, starting to calm after a moment. “Y-Yes, she could… She called it bleaching, because she would turn them white as well, to suit her tastes.” She began to idly trace the cracks on her cheek. “That’s what this damage is from…”

They all re-examined the unseemly cracks on her face, seeing them in a new light. “O-Oh… She sounds positively awful!” Rhodonite commented.

Pink chuckled. “She really was… If she managed to erase anything before I stopped her, I suppose I’ll never realize it’s gone…” She shuddered, frightened by the thought.  

Fluorite came closer; Pink looked up at her. “May I?” the fusion asked, reaching a hand towards the diamond’s face. Pink nodded, and Fluorite gently ran her fingers along the cracks for a moment, marveling at the strange, broken texture. She left Pink blushing lightly. “Why would White Diamond want to bleach you?” she wondered aloud.

“She got tired of waiting for me to be the diamond she wanted, and decided I needed to be fixed.” She grew solemn. “I never wanted to shatter anyone… No one deserves that fate, not even her…”

“Oh my…” Padparadscha sighed softly.

“Sounds like you didn’t have a choice…” Tile said.

Pink could only nod at that. “She wanted me to be a diamond, but I refused… I despise Homeworld’s laws regarding the treatment of gems, and cannot abide by them… I know people think that I’ve just been hiding away and being silly about it…” She seemed to curl in on herself. “In reality… I’ve been in grieving.”

“Grieving?” the large fusion asked.

“Yes…” She shook with a contained sob. She took a deep breath. She couldn’t fall apart right now. “It’s a long story… Have any of you heard of the Crystal Gems?”

“No, I don’t think so.” Rhodonite shook her head, as did the others.

“How about Rose Quartz?”

Rhodonite’s first pair of hands immediately flew to the sides of her head, while the other pair grasped at her clothes frantically. “Of course we know about Rose Quartz! She was an organic beast who burst from the earth and vowed to destroy all gems!”

The twins shook their heads. “I heard she was born from a defective vein of quartz,” Ru said.

“She went completely haywire,” Tile continued.

Fluorite waved a hand at their dramatics. “Don’t be silly. Rose Quartz isn’t real.”

For a moment, Pink Diamond looked completely mystified. Then she looked like she was trying really hard to keep her composure, covering her mouth with her hand to hide her smirk.

She almost succeeded, until Padparadscha blurted out, “Rose Quartz is scary!”

The diamond snorted in a very un-diamond-like manner, then outright laughed.

“What? What’s so funny?” Rhodonite said, nonplussed. The others looked just as puzzled.

“I’m sorry, that’s kind of hilarious.” Pink slapped lightly at her cheeks and did her best to sober up. “Rose Quartz is me!”

“Say what now?” Ru blinked.

“That’s not possible. You’re a diamond, not a quartz,” Rhodonite asserted.

“Oh, I suppose it wouldn’t be public knowledge. It’s simple, really. The bottom of my gem happens to look a lot like a quartz.” She fingered the facets of her gem, smiling mischievously. “All I had to do was turn it.” Seeing their confused looks, Pink stood, cupping her hands around her gem. “I’d better start from the beginning. Gather around, please.”

Once the others were comfortably situated around her, her gem started to glow. A pink light shot out from it, forming a clear image of a planet.

“Whoa…” Tile gasped.

“You…shouldn’t be able to do that. Only pearls should be able to do that!” Rhodonite looked quite discomforted at yet another unnatural surprise. She was not having a good day.

“I wanted to learn how, and it helped me remember things. It was hard, but I did have a very long time to practice,” Pink said, the corner of her mouth turning up slyly. She took a deep breath, centering herself. She had told this story a thousand times, and now, she finally had an audience. “Almost 6000 years ago, I received my first and only colony…

“It was called Earth, and it contained a vast wealth of organic life. I had been begging to be allowed to have a colony for ages, and the others finally caved in.”

The image changed to one of Yellow and Blue Diamond standing proudly, while Pink, in her old outfit, smiled at her planet.

“I was so excited to finally get to start doing what I was made for. Unfortunately, I found I didn’t like it very much, and got bored quickly. There was nothing to do but sit around and fill out paperwork!

“One day, it was finally time for the first gems to emerge from my Prime Kindergarten…”

Amethysts burst from the walls, and Pink sighed. “I wanted to be there to welcome them, but I wasn’t allowed to go. The authority likes to pretend that the four of us are equals, but that’s only true for Blue and Yellow. White Diamond had authority over all of us, while I was the youngest, and wasn’t allowed to do much of anything. So, if I wanted to go, I had to sneak away without their knowing.

“That was the day everything changed.” Pink bit back tears. She didn’t know how she was going to be able to talk about _her_. “That was the day my pearl suggested that I could disguise myself as a quartz.”

The pearl was very pretty; she looked innocent and smart. The off-colors watched as she made the suggestion, a depiction within Pink’s own. They gasped when the old Pink shape-shifted into a quartz soldier, her gem turning inwards to hide the point.

“You can just do that?!” Rhodonite exclaimed.

“Well, I don’t know if every gem can, but shape-shifting has always been very easy for me. I’ll teach you all sometime, if you don’t know how.” She smirked when they all looked at her wide-eyed. She had so much to teach them; it was very exciting!

“What happened to her? Your pearl?” Tile asked softly. Diamonds were rarely apart from their pearls, right? But Pink was alone.

Pink just closed her eyes, swallowing her grief. She shook her head and continued. “We went down to the Kindergarten together, and I pretended to be an amethyst.” She chuckled. “I don’t know how no one noticed I was acting strange, since I wasn’t very good at it.

“I wasn’t ready to go back after they had all emerged. It was so nice to finally get to go out and do something, and I wanted to see the rest of my colony.”

The projection changed, displaying the view Pink could never forget. The bounty of Earth lay before them all. She wanted to show them all the colors she could see in her mind’s eye, but she was limited to shades of pink and red.

“It was all so alive... There were intelligent organics as well; they were called humans. They were not so different from gems, and I came to adore them…” She showed them how they had the same body-shape, and laughed and smiled just like gems.

Then, Rose Quartz stood at the edge of the Kindergarten with her pearl, where a line divided life and death.

“And I realized that everything I had been told about organic life was a lie. It wasn’t worthless and waiting to be shaped into something useful. It didn’t exist _for_ us; it had its own potential and its own worth. None of it would survive my invasion; I was taking it all, and leaving nothing behind.

“Rebellion wasn’t my first choice. I tried to talk to Blue and Yellow, I really did. I never stopped trying to talk them into leaving the Earth be. They didn’t understand, and even if they did, they wouldn’t have been able to defy White Diamond. If I quit, one of them would have just taken over the colony in my stead.

“With no other options, I chose to fight for the planet I loved in secret, as Rose Quartz. My pearl chose to fight beside me; she was a masterful swordswoman. We called ourselves the Crystal Gems.” Pearl danced across the image, slicing through opponents with ease. Something warm and fond lit up within her as the off-colors’ jaws dropped at the sight of a fighting pearl. How she wished she could be here…

“The two of us fought alone for hundreds of years, until Blue Diamond came to Earth. She had called her sapphire to her, in order to make a prediction. The sapphire predicted that the rebels would attack, destroy the physical forms of seven gems, including herself, before being captured. The rebellion was meant to end that day.”

There was Blue in her palanquin, high above the ground. Sapphire walked up to her, accompanied by three rubies. Rose Quartz and Pearl attacked, swiping through the defending quartzes and ruby fusion until Pearl rounded on the sapphire.

“But it was not to be. One of the sapphire’s rubies saw that she was about to be hurt, and decided that she wasn’t going to let that happen. She tackled her, saving her, but in the process…”

There was a flash of light, and in their place was a new gem. She was tall, a wild mish-mash of color. Rhodonite’s hands flew to her mouth, and Fluorite blinked, shocked.

“They fused,” Pink said with a smile. “Pearl and I left during the commotion, but I couldn’t forget what I saw that day. Blue Diamond wanted to shatter the ruby for fusing with a member of her court. Sapphire didn’t want that to happen, so she took Ruby by the hand and fled down to the Earth below.” This picture was less clear; she hadn’t been there for that part.

“I had never heard of cross-gem fusion before. I didn’t even know it was possible! Blue met it with disgust, but I thought it was something wonderful and new. Later, we ran into her again, the fusion.”

Rose Quartz passed through some bushes; the fusion was there, Pearl’s sword pointed at her. Rose went over to her, held her hands and smiled encouragingly. Ru and Tile gave each other a look; they recognized the gesture.

“Oh my!” Padparadscha gasped. “They fused?”

Pink smiled at her and nodded. “Ruby and Sapphire came to love each other, and that love kept them together and strong.” Ruby and Sapphire danced, forming a grinning fusion. “Her name was Garnet, and she was the embodiment of that love.”

She paused to look at the two fusions with her. “Fusions are a relationship, an experience and expression of close bonds. It’s something all gems should be allowed to know. I will never have a problem with it.” Fluorite nodded; Rhodonite fidgeted.

“Before that day, I had only been fighting for the Earth. I had only wanted to scare gems away from it so it could be left alone. But Garnet made me realize that there were others who felt like me, others who didn’t seem to fit or wanted to be free of their roles. After that, I fought for gems as well.”

The projection flickered. Rose Quartz, Pearl, and Garnet stood together. Gems began to appear behind them.

“Garnet joined us, and many others did as well. Gems of all kinds and castes became Crystal Gems, and soon, I had an army I didn’t ask for, and a war I didn’t mean to start. I was leading a double life, and so was Pearl. I had to be a diamond, too, I couldn’t just disappear or neglect my duties. Pink Diamond’s army fought the Crystal Gems; I was fighting myself. I had to choose a side.”

Pink sighed, her expression falling into shame. “I chose the Crystal Gems. I…sabotaged my own operations, created loopholes for Crystal Gems to slip through, rushed the production of my Beta Kindergarten so that the gems born there would be defective…”

The off-colors looked at one another, frowning. Pink didn’t blame them for being disappointed in her. “I’m not proud of the things I did to my own army. I had to do everything in my power as Pink Diamond to aid the Crystal Gems in secret. I didn’t care if I looked incompetent, I messed things up on purpose to give them openings.

“As Rose, I recruited everyone that I could, and rescued gems who were sentenced to be shattered or harvested. I didn’t care if they were defective, if they liked to fuse, if they wanted to do something they weren’t allowed to. To me, no gem was defective, off-colored, or wrong. Everyone was welcome, and everyone was equal.”

Rose walked through a camp, greeting the potpourri of gems and fusions that she passed.

“Everything was fine, for a time. As Pink Diamond, I could protect them by making it look like I at least kind of had things under control. But the war dragged on, and Blue and Yellow Diamond began to get more involved. They sent their own warriors, and I had no control over their plans. The Crystal Gems held on…” She trailed off.

“Until White Diamond found out what I was doing. Perhaps she knew all along and had simply decided to end the ‘game’. She told Yellow Diamond.”

Pink swallowed heavily. She struggled to show them Rose Quartz facing off against the massive diamond.

“Yellow came to Earth, and we fought.” She couldn’t keep going, and the light dissipated in a snap. She sank to her knees, hugging her middle. Her next words came out in a breath of a whisper. “ _I lost_.”

Fluorite shifted closer, concerned. They all knew where this was going.

“I was so foolish. I never told them.” She wiped at her eyes. “I never told them who I really was. I never trusted them with my secret, not even my closest friends. I was too scared to do it, because Pink Diamond was their most hated enemy. I selfishly hoped that, someday, I could leave that life behind and be free.” The diamond grew even quieter. “When the Crystal Gems found out, they fell apart.”

Padparadscha wanted to comfort Pink, but wasn’t sure how. “I predict this story will end in tragedy…”

Pink sank further to the ground, until she was sitting in the same manner they had found her in before. She couldn’t seem to stop shaking. “They were all shattered, every single one.”

Fluorite put a hand on the diamond’s shoulder. Rhodonite stayed close to the bigger fusion, while Ru and Tile held hands.

Pink wasn’t done. Her voice came out in a heavy whisper. “ _They made me watch.”_

“That’s awful!” Rhodonite gasped. She couldn’t begin to imagine…

“There was nothing I could do to save them, I felt so helpless…”

They all jumped when Pink’s clenched fist slammed into the ground, cracking it. “And then they put me in my tiny room and left me there to rot.” The tone of her voice sent chills down the off-colors’ spines. She looked furious. “They left me there alone to deal with my feelings, and they never came to comfort me. They never came because they didn’t understand what they’d done. They honestly thought I would just snap out of it one day and do what I was supposed to! They didn’t understand that I-” Her voice cracked. “That I loved those gems… They took away everything and everyone I loved and destroyed them!”

The off-colors didn’t know what to do when Pink Diamond keened, burying her face in her arms. They could hear her mumbling a repetitive stream of ‘I’m sorry’s and ‘It’s all my fault’s. Fluorite wrapped her in another hug; it didn’t seem to help this time.

They waited patiently, talking amongst themselves. After a while, Pink was able to calm down. She sniffed, drying her eyes. “I’m sorry…” she said to them.

Fluorite just shook her head. “It’s alright, dear…” The fusion’s heart just about broke, imagining this lonely little gem locked away to drown in her own grief. She didn’t think that any of her components would have survived such a thing alone.

Pink chuckled darkly. “You’d think that after 5000 years, it would stop hurting so much…” Fluorite pulled her closer, and the diamond leaned heavily on her, muttering her gratitude. Padparadscha came up and leaned on the diamond in turn. Pink smiled tearfully and wrapped an arm around the little sapphire. Rhodonite didn’t look too happy with that, but let it be.

“You fought for gems like us…” Ru breathed. She hesitated, but put her hand on the diamond’s arm.

Tile did the same, commenting, “You’ve really been through so much…”

“I’ll fight again…” Pink said softly but firmly. “All this time, I’ve been waiting. I could have escaped, I could have run, but White would have never stopped hunting me down. Who would I have helped that way? What kind of life would that be?

“I stayed because I never forgot what I learned on Earth. I never forgot what I fought for, and I’ll never stop fighting. This time, I’ll do it right. I won’t hide behind the idea of a gem who doesn’t exist.”

“What makes you think it’ll be different this time?” Rhodonite huffed, crossing her arms.

Pink sat up straighter. “Because White is dead, and Blue and Yellow are free of her, too. If they care for me at all, then they will leave me be.”

The smaller fusion had seen no indication that they cared. “And if they don’t?”

Pink’s voice grew dull and toneless. “Y’know, they found me there, standing in White’s shards. They didn’t want me to leave. Yellow and I got into another fight… This time, she didn’t win.” There was something cold and hard in her eyes.

Rhodonite started trembling again. “Oh, don’t tell me you shattered _Yellow_ Diamond, too!”

Pink Diamond shook her head. “No… But I could have, and I made sure she damn well knew it.” She sighed, standing up and walking a short distance away. She didn’t continue at first, merely examined the exit holes.

“I don’t want to hurt them; they’re my sisters, and a part of me still loves them under the hate,” she said softly. Her tone quickly hardened. “But I will, if they try to repeat what happened back then. I can only hope that they’ll attempt to understand and respect me this time. They were not unaffected by this; maybe someday they’ll let me teach them a better way to be a diamond.”

Pink turned toward the group. “I want to set things right, but it won’t be easy. I can’t do it alone. So, I would like to ask all of you…” She stood straight and bold, offering them a confident smile for a moment before turning shy. “You don’t have to say yes, if you don’t want to. It’s your choice. But… Would you all like to become Crystal Gems?”

There was silence as they thought. Pink waited anxiously for their answer.

Fluorite thought of the lives her components had left behind. She thought of the friends she had lost down here, and the gems who were here now that she wanted to protect. They deserved better than this existence. Pink Diamond had chosen love, and she would, too. “I’ll join,” she said simply.

The fusion felt like she might melt in the warmth of Pink’s gaze. The diamond trotted over to her and hugged her, tears dripping down her face. At last, they were tears of joy instead of sorrow. “Thank you…” the diamond murmured.

“No, thank _you_ …” Fluorite responded. She had been given hope.

Padparadscha gasped and smiled. “I’m seeing a wonderful vision! Pink Diamond will ask us to be Crystal Gems, and I predict that I will say yes!” The diamond gave her a gentle hug as well. The sapphire seemed overjoyed.

Ru and Tile looked at each other and nodded. They wanted a better life, for themselves and their friends. They were willing to fight for that. “I’m in,” Ru announced.

“Me, too!” Tile chirped. They both grinned as they received their hug.

Rhodonite was dismayed when everyone turned to her. She couldn’t help but shiver nervously. S-She didn’t want to fight; she just wanted everyone and herself to be safe! …Were they going to leave her behind if she said no?

She didn’t know what to do when Pink Diamond came and knelt before her, kindly grasping one of her hands as if she was addressing someone important. “It’s ok to be afraid…” she said, soft and sincere. “You don’t have to fight if you don’t want to. I’ll protect you, and we’ll all be in this together.”

Rhodonite struggled hard to blink away her tears before they could fall. She nodded and squeaked when she was pulled into a tender embrace. Everyone else came and hugged her, too. The fusion laughed, wiping away tears. “This is crazy!” But she couldn’t deny that this made her happy.

“Thank you, everyone… Thank you so much!” Pink had never thought she would find such kind, accepting gems.

She already loved them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They've quickly discovered that Pink is a touchy-feely kind of gem. You cannot convince me that she isn't a hugger.
> 
> Rhodonite got a little peer-pressured at the end there, sorry. She does genuinely want to help, she's just scared.


	8. Fusion & Foresight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- Pink Diamond talks through some problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter doesn't *need* to exist, but I wanted to spend more time with the Off-Colors damn it.

Padparadscha wandered alone, away from the group. She knew it was dangerous, that she could be killed before she even saw it coming. She didn’t care; she needed some space. If she heard one more sarcastic “Thanks, Padparadscha” from Rhodonite, she would scream.

She could hear them calling for her and ignored them. They must have interrupted their training session to search for her. She sighed when she saw Pink Diamond find her, and turned around.

Pink looked relieved, but hesitated to approach her. “What’s wrong, Padparadscha? Why did you sneak off?”

…

The sapphire shook her head, trying to hide her tears. “I-I’m fine.”

Pink wasn’t fooled; she closed the distance between them and sat down. “What’s wrong?” she softly asked again.

…

The kindness and compassion in Pink’s voice always made Padparadscha feel warm inside, like she was being wrapped up in a fuzzy blanket. Maybe she should talk about it… Pink would listen, wouldn’t she? She was always so patient with her…

“I’m useless…”

Pink blinked, shocked at the ordinarily cheerful gem’s despondent mood. “You’re not useless,” she was quick to affirm.

…

“Yes I am! I-I can’t fight! I’m always behind and I can’t react to things in time! Everyone always has to look out for me; I just put them in danger…” Padparadscha sniffled, not wanting to cry in front of her friend.

Pink shuffled closer, beginning to understand. She put a hand on the sapphire’s shoulder, gently encouraging her to lean into her side. After a few seconds, she did so with a sigh.

…

“I feel like such a burden…”

“You’re not.” Pink shook her head. “Everyone cares a lot for you, y’know. I’ve only been around for a month, but I’m not blind.” She smiled and gave her a little squeeze. “I care a lot, too. None of us want to see you get hurt.”

…

“I-I know… But I want to protect them, too! How am I supposed to do that if I can’t fight?”

“Fighting isn’t everything,” Pink replied. “You remember Garnet, right?”

…

Padparadscha nodded.

“Future vision isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. The rebellion should have ended that day, but it didn’t, thanks to the actions of one unpredictable person. Sapphire’s prediction was _wrong_ , when she should have been infallible.”

The diamond sighed. It was hard to think about someone she lost. “Ruby’s unpredictability allowed Garnet to see all sorts of futures. She was always calculating which futures were most likely to happen, trying to decide which actions she should take. I can’t imagine how stressful it must have been, to see numerous futures where you failed and someone got hurt.”

…

“That sounds terrible…” The sapphire shivered. She couldn’t imagine either.

“And…” Pink swallowed heavily. “The things she could see depended on what information she had. I never told her the truth… I should have. She was one of my closest friends, and yet, I didn’t give her the tools she needed to be as accurate as she could. She never saw that day coming; it’s one of my biggest regrets…”

…

Padparadscha consoled her friend as well as she could, putting an arm around her waist and leaning in more. “You did your best…”

Pink wiped away the tear that wanted to escape. She was supposed to be comforting Padparadscha, not the other way around. “You’re doing your best, too. I admire how you’re always so tenacious and bright. You cheer everyone up.”

…

The compliments were nice, but… “Sometimes I feel like I just annoy everyone…” Padparadscha sighed.

“It’s not your fault,” Pink reassured. “You didn’t ask to be created this way. It does mean that you have to find different ways to be helpful. That’s not a bad thing; there are plenty of things you can do that others can’t.”

…

“Like what?” She sniffled again, drying her eye with Pink’s dress.

Pink tapped a finger on her chin for a moment, thinking. “Well, you caught me spying on you, didn’t you? There was nothing I could do to stop you from seeing me.”

…

Oh… Oh yeah, she _had_ done that.

“And, from what I’ve seen, you sense intention and emotion as well. You don’t even have to know someone to sense something about them,” Pink continued. “You’ll never be wrong, because what you see has already happened.”

…

Padparadscha didn’t know what to say. “You really think I can be useful?”

“Of course!” Pink chirped. “You have just as much potential as anyone else.”

…

“You really think so?”

Pink’s smile was answer enough. “Now, what brought this on?”

…

“…It’s Rhodonite… She’s always acting like she’s annoyed with me. I catch her rolling her eyes sometimes,” she answered, sounding frustrated. “Probably everyone else feels like that, too, they’re just subtler.”

“Maybe you should talk to them about it?” Pink suggested. “Do they know it bothers you?”

…

“No… I guess I can do that…” She knew they cared, but she didn’t want to trouble them with trivial things.

It took a moment for Pink to speak again. “I’m sorry, it’s my fault too…”

…

“What? How? You didn’t do anything.”

The diamond shook her head. “Leaving you on the sidelines while everyone else was learning to fight couldn’t have felt very good… I’ll be sure to come up with some exercises for you, to help you strengthen your vision, ok?”

…

The sapphire immediately perked up. “Oh! That sounds fun!”

Pink smiled. “It will be. Now c’mon, we’d better get back before the others worry themselves to death.”

…

“Ok!” Padparadscha agreed, giggling when her hair was playfully ruffled. She relaxed as Pink scooped her up into her arms. She didn’t mind being carried. It made her feel certain that this strange, cuddly diamond would never allow harm to come to her.

* * *

“Hey Pink, can we ask you something?”

Pink Diamond was currently up on a ridge, relaxing on her back with one leg dangling lazily. She looked down to see the Rutile Twins. She sat up and jumped off, carefully controlling her descent to land gracefully on her feet. “Sure, what’s up?”

Tile opened her mouth, but couldn’t think of what to say. She and her sister twiddled their thumbs anxiously.

Pink cocked her head, concerned. “Is something wrong?”

Ru shook her head. “No, we were just wondering…”

“You said you’d never seen anyone like us before,” Tile continued.

“I haven’t, why?” Pink didn’t know where this was going.

“There’s really no one else like us?” Ru wondered.

“Well, there could be, but I haven’t met them yet,” Pink tried to backpedal. She didn’t understand why this seemed to be a problem. Why did they look so sad?

They didn’t seem to believe her. “It’s just… We hoped there was someone out there who could understand us,” Tile said.

She didn’t know what to say to that. She could spout something about how they had each other or how no two gems ever had the exact same experiences. But that didn’t seem like it would help. “Well, what’s it like?”

The question seemed to startle them. “It’s hard to put into words…” Tile hesitated.

“We always have to be in sync. We can kind of hear each other’s thoughts,” Ru said.

“We’re never alone. Sometimes, I think it would be nice to be apart for a bit.”

“That’s interesting…” Pink liked how these two were so unique. “I wish I could have had someone like you two have each other…”

“Why would you want to be a freak like us?” Ru questioned, disapproving.

“Oh, I don’t mean exactly the same way, but… I’ve been lonely for most of my life.” Pink sighed. “My status kept me apart from other gems. And I don’t have an equal to be friends with, because my sisters are higher-ranking than me. Lower-ranking gems were too scared of me.”

“That’s awful… I can’t imagine being alone,” Tile sighed. Pink’s life seemed to be filled with a lot of unfair things. No wonder she was fine with hanging out with off-colors.

“I’m not anymore, thanks to all of you.” Pink gave one of her bright smiles. “Honestly, I never thought I could fit in so well. It makes me really happy when you guys forget I’m a diamond and treat me like I’m a regular person.”

“I mean, you are,” Ru shrugged. She blushed when Pink’s eyes twinkled at her.

Tile spoke up. “You were never frightened of us or disgusted. You respected what we were right away…”

“Why would I be frightened of you?”

“When we emerged…”

“The other gems ran away.”

“They were afraid… That’s how we survived…”

The diamond frowned, her brow furrowing in that sort-of-scary way it did when she heard something she thought was unjust.

“What was _your_ emergence like?” Tile asked.

“Lonely.” Pink got a far-away look in her eyes. “I was the only one there, and it was a little while before Yellow and Blue came. They were so much bigger than me, I was a little scared. I knew they were supposed to be my sisters, but they just looked…disappointed.”

“Wait, how much bigger?” Ru questioned. Pink was pretty tall already, in her opinion. She remembered how tiny the little projected Rose Quartz had been next to Yellow Diamond.

Pink seemed amused. “Oh, Blue and Yellow are about 40 feet tall. I barely come up past their knees!”

“Whoa…” No wonder diamonds had a reputation for being terrifying.

“And White was absolutely massive,” she continued in a conspiratorial tone. “She was just over 100 feet tall.”

The twins thought they might faint. “So…you-you’re not supposed to be this small?”

“…I don’t know. I never asked… Would they even tell me the truth?” Pink grew pensive. “I’ve wondered if that’s why they seem to have no compassion for their fellow gems. They used to let me sit on their shoulders sometimes; everyone looks so small from up there…” She snapped out of it, smiling mischievously. “Overcooked or not, I’m defective anyway, behavior-wise.”

“I can’t argue with that,” Ru shrugged. Tile just nodded in agreement.

“My sisters were always disappointed… No matter how hard I tried to fit into my role, I never could. I’m happier now, just being myself.” Pink looked at them fondly. “Thank you so much for accepting me here.”

Tile smiled at her. “It’s not hard to like you. You’re a kind person.”

“You accept us, so we accept you.”

They were not surprised that she hugged them.

* * *

Fluorite stretched out, yawning. Pink Diamond was lying against her, but Fluorite didn’t mind. Pink wasn’t heavy, and her company was companionable. She knew Pink tended to have awful nightmares if no one was with her while she slept. Not to mention, they were both very fond of naps, anyway.

Pink looked at her, her eyes sparkling with all the curiosity of a newly-emerged gem. “How do you manage to stay so stable? Six is a record for permafusions, you know.”

Fluorite blushed. “It’s just a matter of meeting the right gems. We wouldn’t mind more.”

Pink chuckled. “Well, I’m not opposed to fusing with you, but I suspect I’d be too energetic and disruptive for your tastes.”

Fluorite’s eyebrows shot up. It was nice that Pink was so accepting of fusion, but it was still shocking when she said things like that so casually.

Pink turned on her side, towards her. “Got any questions for me?”

“None that I can think of, dear.”

“Heh, dear.” The diamond blushed a bit, looking down shyly. “You’re very motherly, you know. It’s nice.”

“Motherly?”

“Oh, I suppose you wouldn’t know what a mother is.” She shifted again, so she could project from her gem. “It was a human thing. Humans didn’t reproduce like gems; they needed two parents: a mother, and a father.” She showed a pair of humans, one that had a feminine shape like elegant types of gems did, and another that was built sturdier, a bit like a topaz or quartz.

“The father would be the injector, and the mother the earth. A baby would grow inside of her, and emerge nine months later. It wasn’t like a kindergarten; the process didn’t drain the life out of the mother, so she could have as many children as she wanted.” Her diagram was naively simplistic. “Humans didn’t come out fully grown like gems. It would take years for them to get to full size, and they needed their parents to take care of them until they could take care of themselves.”

“How strange…” Fluorite commented. While the explanation wasn’t complicated, it was a lot to wrap her head around.

“They were always growing and changing… It was something I admired about them.” Pink’s expression fell, and she stopped projecting. The poor thing could hardly go for an hour without thinking about something that saddened her.

“And what does ‘motherly’ mean?” Fluorite reminded, distracting her from her thoughts.

“Oh! Motherly means mother-like. Mothers are always taking care of their younglings, so someone motherly takes care of and cares about others. You take care of the others here and make sure they’re safe.” She grew shy again. “And now you take care of me, too…”

“I see…” Yes, that did sound like her. “You’ve been through some horrible things; you deserve some care.”

…

“It’s strange…”

“What is, dear?”

“That I don’t hate them as much as I should. Blue and Yellow, I mean.” Pink turned onto her back again, staring up into the void above. Somewhere up there were her sisters. “…Do you think they’re looking for me?”

Fluorite curled a little closer to the diamond, sensing that the topic was delicate. “It seems likely.”

“I hope they aren’t…and yet I do. …I don’t know what to feel.”

The fusion patiently stroked the diamond’s hair. “It can be hard to know how to feel about people who have hurt you.”

Pink heaved a long sigh, leaning into Fluorite’s touch. “Sometimes, I feel like they don’t care at all. Like I’m just an annoyance to them. I needed things like this-” She gestured to what Fluorite was doing. “But they never did stuff like that. It was ‘improper’.” She just breathed for a minute, thinking.

“But sometimes, there were little things that made me think, maybe they did care after all. Maybe it’s not their fault they don’t know how to show it.” Pink’s voice grew soft. “When I was grieving, Blue would send her pearl to me, every so often. She would clean me up a little, and sometimes she would talk even though she probably wasn’t supposed to. Maybe she knew that I wouldn’t get her in trouble, or didn’t think I was listening.

“She told me once, that Blue and Yellow had asked White to reconsider my punishment. They asked if some of my Crystal Gems couldn’t be reconditioned. …I don’t know if that would have been a worse fate, but they tried, at least.”

“What will you do if you have to fight them?” Fluorite questioned. She hoped there wouldn’t be another war.

“I don’t know…” Pink thumbed away the tears budding in her eyes. “I hope that they’ll just let me leave, that we can talk it out. I don’t think they want to fight again, but I don’t know for sure what they’ll do, if they’ll do everything they can to keep me here. I hope they’ll learn someday, because I don’t want to rule Homeworld by myself.”

She paused. A certain hardness fell over her, just for a moment. “I do know one thing. I’m never letting a mass-shattering like that happen ever again. I will do what I must.”

She sniffled. Fluorite grasped her hand and squeezed gently. “You won’t have to face them alone, dear.”

“Thank you…”

The silence stretched on long enough for Fluorite to nod off a tad. Just when she thought that Pink might have fallen asleep, the diamond spoke again.

“I wish I had had someone like you, when I was new…” Pink rolled onto her side and curled up into a ball. “One could say that White was my mother, and indeed, the mother of all gemkind.”

“What was she like?”

“She was…different. She was ancient, and massive, and terrifying. Everything had to be her way, and no one could deny her what she wanted. She would do something unimaginably terrible to you if you tried. Even my sisters were afraid of her…

“She was always so condescending, like I wasn’t worth her time. She rarely let me get a word in when I tried to talk to her. Even when I was trying to be serious, she just dismissed it as another one of my ‘games’…

“She called me her Starlight.” Pink shuddered. “I hate that nickname. It makes me feel cold and…insignificant.”

“Did White Diamond ever hurt you?”

“…Not physically. At least, not until she tried to bleach me. She was always as still as a statue, except for her face. The first time I ever saw her move was that day and I didn’t even have time to react.”

Fluorite suppressed her own shudder. She was glad that White Diamond was gone. She likely played a prominent role in Pink’s nightmares.

“I wonder if it’s all falling apart up there, without her. Maybe nobody even knows she’s gone yet.”

The fusion had been wondering that as well. She was sure Blue and Yellow Diamond had their work cut out for them.

“I can hardly believe it myself…” Pink looked wistful and somber. “I wonder if she loved me, in her own way… Or if I was just a plaything to her… She didn’t think anything of erasing me.”

“She was not a very good mother,” Fluorite decided.

Pink chuckled, sighing. “No, no she wasn’t.” She snuggled a little closer to the fusion, eyelids drooping. “Thank you for listening, Fluorite.”

“Anytime, my dear,” Fluorite murmured. “Now, how about a nap?”

The diamond yawned. “That sounds lovely.”

* * *

“That’s it! I’m done! I quit!” The fusion threw up her hands in exasperation, turning to leave.

Pink Diamond, who had shrunk down to half her size for sparring purposes, reached a hand out towards her. “Rhodonite-”

Rhodonite spun and pointed at her. “Nuh-uh! I can’t take anymore of your crazy ideas! You’re gonna get us all killed!” She frantically pulled at her hair.

Pink looked at the other off-colors, bewildered. They just shrugged at her. She returned to her regular size in a flash of light, seeing that training was done for the day. “Could you give us some space, please?” she asked them. Rhodonite hadn’t clicked with her like the others; they needed to have a talk.

The others nodded and left. Pink walked up to the fusion. “Um, Rhodonite, is there a problem?” she asked tersely.

The fusion hesitated for a second before spitting it out, “Yes! You!”

“Me? What did I do?” An eyebrow rose when the fusion waved her hands at her. “You just gestured to all of me.”

“Yes, it’s everything!” Rhodonite turned on a heel, covering her face with her hands as she paced. “Pretty much everything you do or say is inappropriate; I shouldn’t even be yelling at you right now without being punished but I am!”

“Uh…” Pink didn’t know how to deal with this. “I would hope you guys can tell me when something’s bothering you, so…” she tried.

“You don’t get it! You’re a diamond, I’m not supposed to exist, and you’re supposed to be the one making sure of that!”

“Well, uh, my entire personality isn’t going to change just like that, so I’m not sure what you want me to do? You know I’m not gonna hurt you.”

“A pearl and ruby aren’t supposed to fuse! They shouldn’t have run away! I deserve to be shattered!”

“Stop it!” The sharp, commanding tone froze the fusion in her tracks. “Just. Stop it.” She’d finally done it; she’d finally managed to upset Pink Diamond.

Said diamond marched over to her, causing her to flinch. She yelped when Pink firmly put her hands on her shoulders and knelt down in front of her.

“If you think you’re so wrong, then why are you still together?” Pink inquired, frowning severely.

“I-I-I… We…” Rhodonite stuttered, petrified.

“Does it feel right? To be with each other?

She nodded.

“Then what’s the problem?”

Rhodonite roused herself and tore away from Pink’s grasp. “It doesn’t matter what _I_ feel! It’s wrong!”

“Ugh! No it isn’t! I don’t know what else I can do to get you to understand!” Pink stood and walked a short distance away, fuming as she massaged her temples. She knew she wasn’t handling this the right way but couldn’t swallow her frustration. She’d been trying for ages to get Rhodonite to feel better about herself.

“You’re the one who doesn’t understand!” Rhodonite vehemently pointed at the sky. “You should go back up there and resume your duties!”

Pink rolled her eyes. “No thank you, I’d rather be shattered. I didn’t lose everything just to go back to something I hate.”

All four of Rhodonite’s hands conveyed various gestures of irritation. “Maybe if you’d done what you were supposed to in the first place, your friends wouldn’t be dead!”

She clapped a hand over her mouth. Oh, oh no. She’d gone too far.

A tear trickled down Pink’s cheek; her eyes were wide with hurt. She swallowed heavily and turned away, tightly wrapping her arms around her middle.

Rhodonite noticed she did that a lot when she was upset, as if she was trying to hold herself together. “I-I’m sorry… I d-didn’t m-mean-”

“I just don’t understand why you’re so hard on yourself, Rhodonite,” the diamond sighed. “You’re capable of amazing things, but you won’t even try.”

“How do you know I’m capable of anything? I’m just a ruby and a pearl. Pearls aren’t even _for_ fighting!”

“There’s no such thing as _just_ a ruby, or _just_ a pearl.” Pink Diamond sat down suddenly and patted the ground next to her. “Come here, sit with me.”

Rhodonite did as she was told.

Pink breathed out a deep sigh, letting go of the tension in her body. “I’m sorry for yelling. It’s just… You remind me a lot of someone I cared about very much.”

“Who?” Rhodonite tried to relax too, but couldn’t quite manage.

“Do you remember who the first gem was to fight alongside me during the rebellion?”

“Y-Your pearl…”

“That’s right. I did not order her to do that. I did not order her to learn how to fight, or come up with ideas. I made it as clear as I could that she didn’t have to do these things for me. But she wanted to; it was _her_ choice.”

“O-Ok?” Rhodonite fidgeted.

“More often than not, _she_ was the brains behind the operation, while I was just the enthusiasm,” Pink continued. “She was…incredible. She could do anything she set her mind to, all because I gave her the freedom to find out what she was capable of.”

“So? That was one pearl with a chance defect.”

Pink shook her head. “No. She was my best friend.” She sighed shakily, feeling tears escaping already. “I was so… _happy_ when she started to think for herself. She’d been with me for a few thousand years, and had only been the perfect servant she was supposed to be. That day we went down to the kindergarten happened because she wanted to make me happy.

“Still, everything she ever did was for me. I can’t tell you how many times she was dissipated trying to protect me when it was unnecessary. I tried to do right by her, tried to give her more freedom, but I couldn’t force her to stop putting me before herself.”

“What does this have to do with me?”

“Because, you’re doing the same thing. You’re putting the needs of Homeworld before yourself.” Pink swallowed. “Look, Rhodonite. Homeworld doesn’t care about the happiness of individuals; no one is happy, not even the diamonds. I just… I just want you to feel good about yourself.”

Rhodonite felt her eyes tearing up and wiped at them. She scooted a little closer to Pink. “You-You really care a lot, huh?”

Pink nodded, also tearful. “Sometimes I care _too_ much. It’s not the worst flaw to have…but sometimes, it leads to a lot of suffering…”

The fusion blushed when Pink’s arm went around her shoulders, gently coaxing her closer. Though she felt ashamed, she had to admit that it was nice to lean against her. The diamond always had this kind tenderness to her that made you feel warm inside.

“How do you know what you’re capable of if you don’t try, Rhodonite? How do you know?” Pink asked softly.

Rhodonite shook her head. “I’m not worth your time…”

“Of course you are.” She rubbed the fusion’s shoulder with her thumb, sighing. “I wish Pearl could be here… She was a lot better at inspiring people than me. Imagine, a pearl who could fight! She could kick your butt to Homeworld and back if she had to. Even so, she was always having to prove herself, again and again and again. It was frustrating to see.”

The tears came steadily now. “I know you’re tired of hearing me preach about how special fusion is.”

Rhodonite nodded. “Yeah, the ‘more than the sum of your components’ speech is getting old. How would you even-” She stopped as a thought struck her. “No-No way, you didn’t.”

Pink nodded, the corner of her mouth rising slightly in amusement. “If you thought a pearl and a ruby, or a ruby and a sapphire were bad… How about a diamond and her pearl?”

Rhodonite just stared off into the distance for a while.

“So yes, I do know what fusion is quite intimately. I do understand. She was the only one I could fuse with, because she was the only one who knew. I was afraid that the others would have felt it when my power was much too large for a quartz to have.” Her voice was weighed down with regret.

Rhodonite didn’t know what to say. “What was her name?” she asked softly.

“Hmm?”

“Your fusion. What was her name?”

“…Rainbow Quartz.”

The room lit up with pink light. Rhodonite watched as Rose Quartz and Pearl danced, graceful and full of joy. And there she was, a tall, limber fusion with wild hair. She leapt and skipped around, a picture of elegance. She looked so proud and happy to exist…

The picture glitched and faded away. Pink Diamond’s dress was soaked with endless tears. “I…I miss her so much… She was my partner in everything. She was my equal, as much as she could be. Not a day goes by where I don’t think of her…”

Rhodonite knew what to do, even if it was inappropriate. She climbed onto Pink’s lap and wrapped her arms around her shoulders and waist. “I’m sorry I’m such a prude,” she muttered. Pink would have probably hugged her eventually, anyway.

“It’s alright…” She gratefully returned the embrace. “This is all a lot to take in. Not everyone adjusts quickly… I hope I’m not pushing you too hard?”

“No, no, I’ll… I’ll try to do better.”

“Does your ruby want to protect your pearl?”

The fusion nodded.

“Does your pearl want to protect your ruby?”

Another nod.

“Do they both want to protect your friends?”

“Yes…”

“Then that’s all you need.”

“I-I understand…”

“Good.” Pink smiled. And then she did something new; she bent and kissed the top of the fusion’s head. “Never forget that you’re important to someone. You’re important to your components, to the people around you, and to me.”

Rhodonite sobbed.

* * *

The off-colors didn’t know what to do when Pink Diamond isolated herself away in a hole and wouldn’t respond to them. It was their first experience with what they would later dub ‘Pink’s Bad Days’.

They tried to ask her what was wrong, if something had happened. She didn’t answer.

When Fluorite touched her, trying to coax her out as she had before, the diamond flinched. “Don’t touch me!” she snapped at her, eyes flashing dangerously. “Just leave me alone!”

Taken aback, the fusion gave her her space. She didn’t think Pink would hurt her, but it was obvious she didn’t want to be disturbed right now.

They moved a small distance away, reassuring her that they would be nearby.

“What do we do?” Rhodonite asked in a hushed voice, wringing her hands anxiously. “What’s wrong with her?”

“How can we help her if she won’t talk to us or let us touch her?” Ru asked sadly.

Padparadscha didn’t say anything, just looked back and forth between her friends with worry.

Fluorite shook her head. “Everything is just too much for her right now. The emotional damage she has suffered must be overwhelming, at times.”It was easy to forget what Pink had been through when she seemed to be all smiles and silliness.

“Should we just leave her alone for a while?” Tile suggested.

“I suppose so…” The large fusion sighed. It didn’t feel right to leave her be, but they weren’t able to help at the moment. There was nothing they could do if she wouldn’t let them.

They crept back quietly, a few hours later. Fluorite approached first. “Pink? Are you alright, dear?”

Rhodonite rolled her eyes. “Does she look alright to you? …C’mon Pink, we just wanna help.”

They were met with silence.

“At least come sit with us?” Ru tried.

“Please?” Tile pleaded.

Nothing.

“Oh, friends… I am receiving a sorrowful vision…” Padparadscha murmured. “Pink Diamond will desperately want our company, but will feel like she doesn’t deserve it.” The sapphire gasped, then determinedly marched up to the diamond. She grabbed a hand and tugged on it. “I think that that isn’t true!”

Pink finally opened her eyes; they were lifeless, and tired. Her face was crusted with dried tears. Her gaze rested wearily on the little orange sapphire insistently trying to get her to move.

After what seemed like an hour, she sighed and shakily crawled out of her hole. Padparadscha stubbornly kept pulling until she had walked out among her friends.

The diamond sat down with a sudden thump, blankly staring at the ground. Fluorite went behind her; an offer to lie down. Pink did so, resting her head against the fusion’s side. Padparadscha and the twins nestled into her arms. Rhodonite leaned against her back, letting her know she was there, too.

They just talked for a while, about anything and everything. Pink listened, still and hollow.

They told stories about the lives they had left behind, silly stories they made up, stories about how they would win their freedom with Pink fighting by their side.

Pink couldn’t help her small, reserved smile. She had never quite felt this kind of closeness before. She had always been disappearing, going back and forth between lives. Those friends would never know certain sides of her; that regret would always weigh heavily on her shoulders.

Now, she hid nothing. She was entirely herself. What a wonderful feeling to be loved, flaws and all.

“Hey, you guys?” she interrupted softly.

“Yes?”

“What is it, dear?”

“Mmm?”

“What?”

“I love you… I didn’t say it enough…before.”

“We love you, too!”

“Yeah, yeah, I-I love you, too.”

“I love you, dear.”

She waited a few beats.

“I love you, too!”

Pink smiled, warm tears slipping down the cracks of her damaged face. At last, the wretched wounds carved into her heart could begin to heal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not as sure that Pink's overcooked as I used to be, but I still wanted to put something about it in here.
> 
> I don't have any personal experience with mental health problems such as depression; sorry if my depiction was inaccurate or the Off-Colors did the wrong thing.
> 
> I am also sorry that Rhodonite is kind of a grouch in this story. None of the Off-Colors have much characterization to work with, so I took her comment about her own existence being unforgivable and ran away with it.


	9. Hollows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- Pink Diamond gives Blue Diamond much to think about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if you got used to the long chapters, this one and the next are fairly short.

Blue Diamond had never been the same since the day Pink Diamond was broken. Not physically, no. Her gem was intact, but there was nothing left inside her.

Blue remembered hearing the news that Pink had done something extraordinarily foolish. She had cried when Yellow came back from Earth, worn from battle and carrying a yellow bubble with a pink gem inside.

Then the work had begun, and she could focus on that for a little while. Gathering up the rest of the Crystal Gems was easy; it seemed none of them had known who they really fought for.

Pink was cruel like that, sometimes.

Blue had sobbed and begged and knelt at White Diamond’s feet, to no avail. White wanted them eradicated.

It hadn’t fully hit her, not really. Not until she placed Pink’s gem inside a cage and watched her reform. Defiantly, she wore the dress of Rose Quartz.

Blue’s heart broke as she watched Pink realize what was going on. She ached to let her out as Pink threw herself at the bars like some wild thing.

And even she could not easily swallow the sight of thousands of gem shards.

The screaming haunted her, yes, as she was sure it haunted Yellow. But that was not the thing that plagued her nightmares. It was Pink, driving a sword through her own gem. When she rushed to check on her, she was always still there, lying alone on the floor.

Oh, how Blue wanted to hold her, cradle her to her chest and kiss her head as she had rarely done when Pink was younger. She knew White would be angry with her if she did; this was all part of Pink’s punishment.

Would Pink even want to see her anyway, when she had done nothing to stop it? She sent her pearl in her place, hoping it was enough.

Sometimes, Blue found that she’d been staring for hours, just sitting there doing nothing. She lost the will to control her aura, instead letting it spread out and inflict everyone around her with her anguish. She slept more than she used to, struggling to find the will to get up.

She wanted to talk to Yellow, wanted to be held as she wailed, but was simply told to focus.

Blue was not like Yellow. She could not drown herself in her work. Instead, she drowned in worry and guilt.

She could not stop the thought that Pink was gone.

* * *

Blue tried to take Pink with her to places, to get her out of her room. She only ever stood there, hollow and nonreactive.

Once, she saw a spark. An agate had made a serious error in judgment, and she had been about to shatter her, until a soft voice spoke up.

“Blue.”

She turned, and Pink was looking up at her, fearful and concerned. The little diamond slowly shook her head.

Blue let the agate go, and had her shattered later in secret. She felt bad about it, knowing Pink would have disapproved. Pink had always cared about things she shouldn’t.

After that, Blue stopped bringing her along. The trips only seemed to make her more withdrawn.

They all waited for the day Pink could be a diamond again. Blue knew it would never come.

* * *

Over 5000 years passed, and nothing changed until the day White Diamond made a terrible mistake.

An enormous boom rocked Homeworld, and she and Yellow had rushed to White’s chamber. There, they found that White had done a most awful thing to their youngest sister, and Pink had shattered her for it. Blue still didn’t know how Pink had managed to do it.

She had merely stood by when Pink and Yellow got into a brutal battle, not wanting to hurt either of them. She realized with sorrow that she had been wrong.

Pink was not empty, as she had thought. No, she was filled with pain, and her hatred brimmed over into an aura that blazed to life for the first time. Yellow’s anger could not begin to stand up to it.

Her heart had frozen in her chest when Pink nearly shattered Yellow right then and there.

Afterwards, Yellow had simply stood there a while, utterly shocked. Blue had quietly gathered White’s shards. They should have gone after Pink, but Blue knew better. She had been locked up long enough.

She could not believe it. White was dead, and Pink had run away. She was secretly glad; White had forced them to hurt her. If it had been Blue’s choice, she would have given Pink the Earth and all her Crystal Gems. Perhaps not back then, but now, she would give anything to have her sister returned to her.

* * *

“What are we going to do, Yellow?”

Blue Diamond slumped in her throne. Yellow Diamond paced back and forth in front of her, sending vibrations traveling all the way up the seat.

It had been a decade since White was shattered, and Pink had not been idle.

It started when shattering robonoids began to go offline. Larger groups were deployed; those were destroyed, too. Blue realized that Pink was the one breaking them, that she had gone deep underground where they patrolled. She had insisted that the robonoids be shut down; she didn’t want Pink to be shattered in a chance accident.

In their place, Yellow sent squads of quartzes. Pink sent back a single amethyst, having tasked her with returning her poofed and bubbled teammates home to safety. Yellow had almost killed them, despite the fact that they could not have hoped to defeat a diamond anyway.

Weapons and materials were going missing, and gems were beginning to defect. The first time Pink had shown her face was to attack a public execution, rescuing a jasper and citrine that had dared to fuse. With her had been a small group of off-colors.

Blue had cried for hours when she saw the footage. The ugly damage that White had inflicted on Pink’s face broke her heart all over again; she’d been imagining her without it.

The two of them had taken on White’s work and covered it all up as well as they could. It hadn’t been so hard; White rarely addressed people face-to-face. But soon, rumors had risen of White’s demise, and Yellow was sure it was Pink’s doing.

“She’s doing it again!” Yellow exclaimed, tearing at her hair in frustration. “Why! Didn’t she learn anything from last time?”

Blue didn’t answer. Pink had learned _something_ , though it was not the lesson that White had intended. “How can we stop this without hurting her, Yellow?” she asked instead.

Yellow shook her head. “She can’t defeat my entire army, Blue. We’ll capture her and shatter those useless misfits hanging around her.”

“…Why?” Blue said softly, all her strength drained at the mere thought of fighting Pink. She was certain that Pink could be shaking things up much more severely than she was now.

“What do you mean why? We can’t just let her go around corrupting our entire empire!” Yellow retorted hotly, turning to her partner.

“Why not?” Blue sat up straighter. “Why not just let her do what she wants, Yellow? We can’t keep White’s death a secret forever, and everything will fall apart soon enough.”

Yellow stared at her, incredulous. “Are you serious? You’re willing to let tens of thousands of years of hard work become useless over her?”

Yellow startled when Blue slammed her fist into the arm of her throne. “I don’t want to hurt her anymore, Yellow!” She fell back, sobbing into her hands. “Haven’t we hurt her enough?”

The familiar wall of grief crashed into her, tightening her throat and bringing stinging, bitter tears to her eyes. She wiped them away before they could fall. “Blue…”

“She’ll never be herself again because of what we did, what White did! She’s finally doing more than sleep, and you want to send her right back to that state?”

“For all we know, she was just biding her time,” Yellow said harshly.

Blue glared at her. “You know better than that, Yellow.”

Yellow had the decency to look ashamed. “So what do you want me to do? We have to stop her!”

“What do you think she’ll do to us if we try?” Blue inquired hollowly, meeting her equal’s eyes.

An icy hand grasped at Yellow’s heart. Pink’s merciless expression flashed through her mind.

“Are you afraid, Yellow?”

“N-No, of course not.”

“Then you’re a fool.” Blue looked down at her hands. “If she had the strength to shatter White, then she can surely do away with us as well.”

Yellow wanted to doubt that, but couldn’t. She wasn’t willing to hurt her sister, but Pink held no such inhibition.

The tears escaped this time. “I just don’t understand, Blue… Why would she want this? Why does she have to care about things she shouldn’t care about?”

Blue stood and went over to her. Yellow leaned her head against her shoulder, and Blue held her. “I don’t know… All I know is that we’ve been trying to contain her whims her entire life, and all that has brought her is suffering. It’s time to let her be.”

“It’s not proper! White wouldn’t-”

“White is gone, Yellow. Nothing matters anymore. All I want is for Pink to be happy…”

“I-I want her to be happy, too…”

Blue sighed, closing her eyes as she buried her face in Yellow’s stiff hair.

Yellow responded by pulling Blue tighter against her. The two of them slowly rocked back and forth, disoriented and adrift in an agonizing sea of doubt and sorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can tell I ship them if you squint.


	10. Consequence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- Pink Diamond confronts her sisters.

Pearl stood stiffly, doing her best to hide her shaking hands. She was alone in this wretched place, surrounded by off-colors, fusions, and traitors. Some of them were glaring at her, but nobody approached as long as the defective twin rutiles stayed by her side.

A ruby-pearl fusion came up to them. Pearl felt curious; she quickly squashed that thought, discomforted. She refused to wonder why any diamond would allow such a thing.

“Who is this?” the fusion asked, fidgeting nervously.

“This is Blue Diamond’s pearl,” one of the rutiles said.

“Please go get Pink,” the other rutile continued.

The fusion gasped, worriedly grasping at her hair as she scurried away.

Pearl carefully kept still. She didn’t want to be here, but her diamond had asked her to do this, so she would.

After a few minutes, the fusion returned. With her was the youngest diamond.

Pearl gasped mutely. She had heard her diamond talk about the damage to Pink Diamond’s face, but hadn’t realized it was so bad.

And yet, Pink Diamond’s eyes were bright and focused. Her hair was fluffy and only a little tangled, and her dress was clean, except for a few bits of dirt. She looked so much better than she had all the times Pearl had tried to comfort her.

Pink Diamond stared at her, and Pearl remembered herself. She bent into a deep bow, saluting respectfully. “My Diamond.”

She heard a quiet “oh” of surprise. Nobody else had addressed Pink Diamond properly. This was deeply unsettling.

She didn’t move as Pink Diamond approached her. However, she wasn’t expecting the light touch on her shoulder and flinched. Pink Diamond knelt before her, gently trying to coax her into straightening. Pearl slowly did so.

Pink Diamond smiled at her, her expression warm. “That’s not necessary,” she said softly. “A simple hello will do.”

Pearl didn’t know what to do with the anxious but mild stab of heat in her chest. She was blushing and couldn’t help it. She thought of Pink Diamond’s pearl and wondered.

The diamond shifted, sitting on her legs without a care for the filth getting on her dress. It seemed that Pink Diamond still didn’t take offense to things that she should; that, at least, had not changed about her. “Why are you here?” she asked.

Pearl startled. She fumbled at her gem, pulling out a communicator. “My Diamond would like to speak with you,” she said quietly, fighting against the urge to bow again as she held it out.

Pink Diamond blinked and took it hesitantly. She merely looked at it, watching as it glowed blue to signify who was calling. After a moment, her brow furrowed and her expression hardened. She crushed the thing in her hands, casually casting it aside. Pearl shuddered.

Pink Diamond shook her head, a tear trickling down her cheek. “I’m sorry, I’m not ready to talk to her…” Her gaze moved to Pearl. “What do my sisters want?”

This… This wasn’t supposed to happen! She was just supposed to deliver the communicator, nothing more!

Pink Diamond didn’t _look_ angry. She seemed to remember that there were a lot of gems around and sent most of them away. The fusion and the twin rutiles remained nearby but at a respectful distance.

“Pearl.”

She stiffened.

“It’s alright, you can speak freely here.” Seeing her hesitation, the diamond continued, “You’re always with her, surely you must know what they’re thinking?”

She didn’t know what to say. “M-My Diamond grieves for you…”

“Does she.” Pink Diamond didn’t seem pleased. Pearl tried to remind herself that she was displeased with her diamond, not herself.

“Yes!” Pearl tried again. She had felt her diamond’s grief countless times. “She doesn’t wish to fight you.”

The diamond sighed. “And what about Yellow? Does she want to fight?”

“I-I’m not sure… I don’t think so?” She winced. An uncertain answer like that was sure to…

Pink Diamond only nodded. “What if I try to leave? What will they do?”

She stayed silent, not knowing and not daring to say so. Pink Diamond was the least terrifying diamond, but she was still a diamond all the same.

The quiet stretched on as Pink Diamond grew lost in thought. Finally, she looked at Pearl again, serious. “Please deliver this message to them. Tell them that, in four decades, I’m going to leave Homeworld and never return. I’m going to take my ship, and I want enough ships to house a thousand gems at least. If they don’t give them to me, I will acquire them through other means.”

Pearl nodded, committing her words to memory to repeat later. She felt disquieted; did Pink Diamond truly want to leave forever?

“And tell them… If they try to stop me… If they dare harm my friends… _Then there will be consequences_.”

The ice in Pink Diamond’s voice left her shivering helplessly. She nodded again and saluted. “Y-Yes, My Diamond, I will deliver your message.”

The diamond stood. “Come. I’ll make sure you get home safely.”

Pearl gaped when a hand was offered to her. She took it carefully; Pink Diamond’s hand was warm, and her grasp was gentle. She didn’t let Pearl lag behind her as she was supposed to when they started to walk, instead slowing her pace to match the shorter gem’s.

Pearl swallowed all her questions, suppressing the old thoughts about how strange Pink Diamond was. She wondered if it was possible for a diamond to be defective and berated herself for her blasphemy.

The silence continued until they came to a stop just outside a public area. Pearl waited to be dismissed. “Pearl…” She stood at attention.

Pink Diamond fidgeted for a moment, looking away. “I’m not trying to topple this empire. Another war is not what I want… No matter how hard I tried, there were just some gems I could never sway to join the Crystal Gems. I don’t have the right to take away their happiness.”

Yes, Pearl never understood why anyone would want to abandon their purpose. Sometimes she had thoughts, and she locked those away in a small, dark box in the back of her mind.

“What I want is for Blue and Yellow to learn that there’s more than one way to be a diamond. I’m not ready to talk to them yet, but I will be…someday. I hope they will be kind to their gems until then. And…” She paused, shifting her weight from one foot to the other then back to both.

“If Blue ever wants to replace you or do you harm…” She met Pearl’s gaze, continuing delicately. “Please… Come to me… After all those thousands of years in her service, you deserve better than that. You’ll be safe.”

Pearl was left stunned once again. She could never abandon her diamond, or ignore her wishes, even if it meant she was shattered. She was further flabbergasted when Pink Diamond came closer and embraced her, just for a moment.

“Thank you for taking care of me… I know Blue sent you, but still.” She wore a small, sad smile that reached her eyes regardless.

“Y-You seem happy…” Pearl murmured without meaning to. Her whole body felt much too warm.

Pink Diamond didn’t bat an eye at her mistake. “Yes, I am… I’m finally getting better…”

She turned and left Pearl alone with her thoughts.

* * *

Homeworld buzzed with anxiety. Today, no work was done.

Pink Diamond’s leg ship stood stoically, surrounded by many smaller ships. Yellow and Blue Diamond stood nearby, waiting. They didn’t know what to expect.

The years had seemed to pass much too quickly. There had been occasional skirmishes between Yellow’s and Pink’s forces, but nothing severe. She still refused to speak directly to them, preferring to talk through their pearls instead. Her demands were simple; she wanted to go, and she wanted them to leave her alone.

They waited for what seemed like days before they heard the distant marching of an army. Blue clutched at Yellow’s forearm; they could see her, though she was far away still. Behind her were her new Crystal Gems, and they were prepared to fight. Yellow’s lip curled in disgust; she had never imagined that there could be so many off-colors hiding right under their noses.

The two diamonds didn’t move as their lost sister approached. Homeworld gems were at the ready, but did not engage.

At last, Pink arrived. She stood straight, with a large sword buckled to her hip. Blue started to cry; her expression was just as cold and merciless as it had been on that day fifty years ago.

“So. What will it be?” she asked them. Her gaze seemed to drill into their very gems.

“You can’t do this, Pink,” Yellow said, keeping her voice even. She took a step forward, shaking Blue off her arm.

Pink didn’t balk, though the gems behind her shifted nervously. “Are you going to stop me?” Her tone was flat and calm. If she was frightened by the prospect of fighting both of them at once, she wasn’t showing it.

“Pink, please,” Yellow tried again. “Listen to reason! You need to stop with this ridiculous game!”

Pink’s eyelids lowered, just slightly. “You still think this is a game?” The words were laced with venom.

Fear trickled down Yellow Diamond’s spine, damming up further words in her throat. For all the invincible, flawless power she liked to show, all it would take is one strike. She looked at Blue, pleading with her to do something.

Blue took a shaking breath. “Pink…” She nearly flinched when Pink’s gaze shifted to her. Her mismatched eyes were burning. With what? Madness? Hatred? Blue couldn’t meet them for long.

“Please, just let me leave.”

Blue shook her head. Her aura burst from her unintentionally, her grief piercing the hearts of everyone around her and bringing them to their knees. Yellow winced, hastily wiping away the tears trickling down her face.

Pink fell to one knee with a heartbreaking whimper. Blue poured everything into her aura, and for a moment, it seemed like it would be enough.

Pink Diamond slowly raised her head and glared at her older sister, furious. Her own aura blazed to life around her, shredding through Blue’s as if it was nothing. She straightened, spreading it out to her gems and shielding them from the harmful emotion.

“Please, Pink! You can have whatever you want, and do what you want! Please, can’t you stay?” Blue pleaded.

“I will not remain in this prison any longer!” Pink hissed with narrowed eyes.

The pink fire spread towards them. Blue felt it pushing at her, harder and harder, until it broke through. The azure diamond stumbled back, collapsing to one knee. Beside her, Yellow trembled from the effort of keeping still, her knees bent to withstand the assault.

Blue despaired. When had she grown so much stronger than them? She had taken her suffering and forged it into unyielding strength.

The aura retreated after a moment, letting them breathe. “Are you going to shatter us then?” Yellow gasped out.

“I don’t want to…but I will, if you force my hand,” Pink replied curtly.

“Surely you don’t believe that you can defeat Homeworld’s entire army!” Yellow grimaced, straightening.

Pink shook her head. “I’m not stupid. Perhaps you might subdue me today, but know that I will never stop seeking my revenge.” She crossed her arms and delivered her ultimatum. “Either you shatter me, or I shatter you.”

Yellow and Blue looked at each other helplessly. That was the one thing they weren’t willing to do.

Pink glared at Yellow, and Yellow glared back. “Do you really hate me so much, that you’d rather I stay here and be miserable?” the smaller diamond asked.

Blue gasped. “No, of course not! We… We love you, Pink!”

“ _Then act like it_.”

Yellow looked away, ashamed tears escaping her eyes; they were her own this time. Blue could not face her hatred either.

Pink raised her hand, signaling to her gems. The army began to move towards the ships while Pink positioned herself in between them and the defeated diamonds. The three of them did not move or speak while the ships were loaded and boarded. Another signal, and the smaller ones took off and left for the depths of space.

“What are you going to do out there?” Blue Diamond whispered.

“Be free,” Pink answered simply.

“How are you going to colonize anything?” Yellow Diamond demanded.

“Oh, I’m not. I’m going to find a better way, a way that doesn’t destroy everything and leave nothing but death behind.” She sneered at them. “Consider my position in your ‘Great Diamond Authority’ renounced.”

“W-What? You can’t just-”

“Of course I can!” Pink snipped, cutting Yellow off. “Am I not a diamond? Is that not what you always wanted me to be? I tried back then, I really did, but unfortunately my priorities are different from yours.” For the first time, her hardened expression softened minutely. “I just don’t belong here…”

Pink turned and walked toward her ship. Blue reached a hand out in vain, wanting to tell her that wasn’t true but choking on the words. Yellow held her silence; they both knew Pink had always been strange.

Pink paused, looking back over her shoulder as she touched the ship. “Someday, I hope you’ll understand exactly what you took from me,” she said softly. An orb swallowed her up, taking her away from them.

The ship shifted its feet and bent its knees before springing into the atmosphere. It was gone in seconds, never to return.

Blue Diamond collapsed, keening. Yellow Diamond knelt down beside her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. For once, they did not care about letting inferior gems see their vulnerability.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pink got pretty nasty in this one, but that's what happens when all your friends got murdered and you don't want your new friends to meet the same fate.


	11. Reunited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- Pink Diamond goes home.

The ship gently touched down on the barren, dead ground. Once upon a time, it had been a gigantic pair of legs, but it had been dismantled and reassembled into a more respectable form. An insignia was molded into its side; a rose, with a square diamond at the center of its petals.

The gangplank extended out, and a pink gem stepped out alone. She was tall, barefoot, with a graceful dress and a lot of fluffy hair. She paused, grimacing at the sick feeling churning in her stomach.

This was not the first completed colony she had stepped foot on. She wanted to stop at each of the other diamonds’ colonies to search for off-colors and other gems that had been left behind and welcome them into her court. She also scooped up abandoned supplies, or took what she needed. To their credit, her sisters did nothing to hinder her, even though she sometimes interfered with their operations.

But this place, this place was different. All she could see was that which had once been alive here.

This was Earth.

She stood frozen, trembling. She would normally go with her scouting crew to help search and explain things, but she didn’t think she could manage this time.

Gems began to emerge behind her. A long caterpillar-like fusion put her hand on the diamond’s shoulder. “We’ll handle things, dear,” she assured.

Pink Diamond nodded, moving out of the way. She watched the others set up camp, too dangerously close to shutting down to assist them.

Ru, Tile, Rhodonite, Fluorite, and various others went off to begin combing through this sector. She worried, though she knew they could take care of themselves now. Padparadscha stayed with her, clinging to her dress. Pink was glad; she needed at least one of her closest friends to be nearby right now.

There was nothing left, not even a single plant to sing to her soul. There was only gray dust and rigid cracks and chasms.

Tonight, she would breathe life back into the planet with her stories.

* * *

Pink Diamond was looking through a manifest when a voice cut through the peace and quiet of the camp.

“ _Rose!_ ”

She stiffened, the manifest falling out of her suddenly limp grasp. She knew that voice, _she knew that voice!_

Many seconds passed before she dared turn around. The gem was ranting and raving at her in an entirely too familiar way.

Her hands covered her mouth as she met the gem’s gaze. Close behind her were Ru and Tile, looking abashed, accompanied by a baffled jasper with mottled, earthy colors painting her skin.

The impassioned gem also froze, shocked into silence by the damage on Rose’s face.

“ _Bismuth…! Biggs…!”_ the diamond whispered, trembling as she fell to her knees. A steady stream of tears fled her wide-open eyes as she bent so far down that her forehead touched the dirt. Her arms wrapped around her middle, grasping tightly enough to leave bruises as she broke down completely.

The gems around her, all kinds of off-colors and fusions, were not afraid to approach Rose. Many laid their hands on her back or rubbed her shoulders, offering comfort. They eyed the intruder disapprovingly, wondering why and how she had upset their diamond.

“Oh no, everyone!” Padparadscha spoke up. “I foresee that an old friend of Pink Diamond’s will confront her and cause a severe emotional meltdown!”

Bismuth took a hesitant step back, some of her fury falling away. She had expected to find a sneering villain, not…whatever this was. She didn’t know what to do with a sobbing, shaking diamond, especially when she started to wail loudly.

Biggs put a hand on her shoulder, shaking her head.

“You didn’t let us explain before you ran off,” Ru said disapprovingly, hand on her hip.

“It’s a long story. You’d better hear it before you judge her,” Tile asserted.

* * *

It was many days before Pink Diamond recovered enough to meet the small squad of Crystal Gems. Unexpectedly encountering people she had believed to be dead for the past 5,300 years had sent her into a depressive spiral.

Meanwhile, the twin rutiles, a ruby-pearl fusion, a defective orange sapphire, and an astonishingly stable six-gem fusion told them the story. They were apparently Pink Diamond’s closest and most trusted friends.

With regret, they told them what had happened to their comrades.

With sorrow, they told them how Pink Diamond had been locked away, left to drown in grief and rot in hate. 

With admiration, they told them how she had never once forgotten what and who she had fought for here on Earth.

With awe, they told them about White Diamond’s attempt to erase all of it, only to end up as shards.

With love, they told them about their first encounter with Pink Diamond, how she had united them, how she believed in them and helped them grow.

With respect, they told them how she had stood immovable and forced the other diamonds to back off.

And now they were here, gathering whoever was left to gather into the safety of her off-color court.

Most were relieved to hear that Rose still sounded like the gem they had known before, but Bismuth was not convinced. Rose had played her game with them, leaving them to die when she was caught. It was all a lie. She had not worked hard and risked her life to keep these gems safe, just to have Rose ruin it all again.

The group was invited to join a party celebrating the return of the lost Crystal Gems. They settled into their seats uneasily, watching the festivities from a reserved distance.

Rose’s gems clustered into friend groups, mixing castes carelessly. There was singing, play fights, storytelling, dancing, experimental fusions. It was an eerily familiar sight, just like the old days. These gems almost seemed free.

Bismuth glowered angrily, watching the tall pink gem slowly thread her way towards them through the crowd. There was no pomp or circumstance to her passage, no palanquin, and no gems stopping to salute. Most hardly acknowledged her and, when they did, it was just a quick exchange of greetings.

Rose paused when she got to them, looking like hell. There were bags under her eyes, she’d obviously been crying, and the cracks draining the color from her face didn’t help anything. She sat by her newer friends, looking across at them painfully. The large fusion, Fluorite, put a supportive hand on her shoulder.

Biggs, Bismuth, Crazy Lace, Larimar, and Snowflake looked back. They were all that was left. A black star diopside, a spinel, a jade, and an overcooked amethyst also looked, though Rose wouldn’t know them; they had joined during or after the end of the war.

No one seemed to know what to say. After several tense moments, Rose seemed to gather her courage with a deep breath.

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…” she said to them in a soft, tender voice they had not heard in thousands of years. “I couldn’t protect you…” Of course, she couldn’t stop her tears from falling.

“You lied to us,” Bismuth growled, speaking up first.

“I did…” she replied, unable to meet Bismuth’s eyes. “It was never to hurt you.”

“I don’t believe you.” She leapt to her feet, pointing an accusing finger. “You pretended to give us hope, but you were just using us!”

Rose cautiously stood as well, holding her hands out placatingly. “That’s not true…” Everyone had gone silent around them, but she waved them off. A circle of space formed as they all backed away, leaving her and the furious gem alone.

The Earth gems were tense, but didn’t interfere. Bismuth had been harboring a lot of hate for a long time, and this was between the two of them.

“You toyed with us, pretended you were our friend! Pretended you really loved us, and your _precious_ Earth!” The blacksmith ground her teeth.

“You really think none of it was real?” Rose’s voice cracked slightly. “You really think I didn’t care about you, about all of you?”

“They’re dead because of you! My friends are all that’s left, and I won’t let you hurt them!” Bismuth suddenly lunged at her, her hands shape-shifting into razor-sharp axes.

An almost musical clang rang throughout the camp.

What little doubt the older Crystal Gems still had about Rose being Pink Diamond was put to rest. Rose had blocked with her shield; the familiar spiraling vine decorating it matched the ones on her elbow-length gloves.

The diamond straightened, her brow furrowing. Her normally warm and easygoing presence seemed to grow larger and more imposing. “Do you really want to fight?”

Bismuth answered by attacking again and again. Rose easily dodged her strikes or let them clash against her shield. She offered no blows of her own, remaining defensive.

“You upper crusts are all the same! You sit in your towers and play your little games while hard-working gems suffer!” She chuckled bitterly. “Did you laugh when you saw their faces fall in despair?”

Something darker flashed in the pink gem’s eyes, something that had not been in Rose before. “Please do not make me hurt you, Bismuth,” she said flatly, her expression growing colder.

“I’ll never forgive you!” the blacksmith snarled back. “I’ll shatter you myself for what you’ve done!” She formed both her hands into a large hammer and brought it down.

“That is _enough!”_

The surrounding gems gasped. In one swift, fluid motion, Rose had sidestepped the attack, swept Bismuth off her feet, and pinned her to the ground. Her fist hovered above Bismuth’s gemstone; she met the gem’s glare with a livid scowl of her own.

“What are you gonna do, shatter me?” Bismuth sneered up at her. “Just like anyone else who displeases you?”

A spark of outrage flashed across Rose’s face. “I’m not that kind of diamond!” she hissed, abruptly letting go and skipping back.

Bismuth got to her feet, dusting herself off. She grit her teeth and clenched her fists, knowing she didn’t stand a ghost of a chance when Rose was able to defeat Yellow Diamond one-on-one right after shattering the most powerful gem in existence.

Rose glowered at her, the flow of her tears starting anew. “You think I don’t know?! You think I don’t know it’s _all my fault_?! You think I’ve even _begun_ to forgive myself for getting them killed with my foolish mistakes?!” she snapped. “I was young and overconfident. I thought Pearl and I could handle everything by ourselves. I didn’t…”

Her expression grew pained. “I didn’t trust those who were close to me... I did what I thought I had to, to protect the Earth and the people I loved, but it wasn’t enough to save them… I know what you think I am, and I will tell you that I might be the worst kind of coward, but I will _never_ be a tyrant like my sisters.”

The diamond’s anger left her suddenly, leaving only a trembling, broken thing struggling not to sob into her hands. The older Crystal Gems and her own friends were crying. Bismuth grimaced, swallowing heavily.

“It hurts, doesn’t it?” Rose whispered faintly. Her pale, almost-white eye peeked out from behind her fingers, looking half-mad. “Like there’s a giant hole in your very being, as if someone shattered your gem and put it back together wrong. And it never _stops_ hurting, because they’re gone _forever_ and all you have left are memories.”

She sank down to the ground, bowed under her guilt. “You’ll never see them smile again or hear them laugh, you can’t hold them in your arms and comfort them anymore. And at least _you_ weren’t alone. At least _you_ didn’t have to watch them all die and be unable to do _anything_ about it!” The word was punctuated by her fist hitting the ground.

A tear trickled gently down Bismuth’s cheek; Rose had just described the vault of grief buried deep inside the blacksmith’s heart.

“I don’t have the words to express how relieved I am to see all of you. I didn’t dare hope that any of you had escaped.” The diamond wiped at her face, sitting up and meeting Bismuth’s gaze. “I don’t expect you to forgive me. I don’t blame you for hating me. But tonight, we are celebrating you and your friends, because you have survived despite everything, and while the others may be gone, _you’re_ still here. If you can’t respect that, then you should leave.”

Bismuth shook her head, turning to her friends. They looked stressed and sorrowful, their gazes flickering to where Rose sat pitifully in the dirt, her close companions holding her in their arms.

The blacksmith left, shaken. Spinel, Black Star, and Snowflake went with her, but the rest remained. They were more willing to listen to what she had to say.

“How am I ever going to talk to her…” the diamond murmured, moving back to her seat.

“It’s alright, dear. Try again when she’s ready to talk,” Fluorite encouraged, resting her chin on top of the diamond’s head. Rose leaned against the fusion appreciatively, sighing. Padparadscha climbed onto her lap to ease the tension and show the strangers how ridiculous the idea of the diamond hurting anyone was. Ru, Tile, and Rhodonite pressed in close as well, supporting their friend.

The Earth gems half-expected her to be offended, but there was only a grateful warmth in the smile she gave her friends. The little sapphire made herself quite at home and belatedly gasped with delight when Rose gently kissed her head.

The sounds of the camp gradually returned as peace settled back in. Rose turned her attention to her lost friends. “Anything you want to know, I’ll explain. I’m long done with lying.”

She only hoped they would give her a second chance.

* * *

Bismuth sat alone in the quiet room, lost in thought. The few gems already occupying the room had left when they saw her; she didn’t care if it was out of respect or dislike. That fusion, Rhodonite, had wanted to show her this; she was glad for it. 

It had been a few days since that argument. Her and her friends could come and go in the camp as they pleased, though they weren’t allowed on any ships without an escort. Rose answered their questions and gave them anything they wanted. The two of them were carefully avoiding each other.

Bismuth knew she had been rash, but anyone would be fearful and angry in her place. All those thousands of years, needing to believe that Rose had _wanted_ to cause so much pain. The others had eventually let go of their hate, but she had held on stubbornly, unable to forgive the savage hurt unleashed on her heart. Right now, she just felt empty.

It had been such a shock to find out, but then, everything had made sense; all the strange choices Rose had made, the information and plans she somehow knew about. She wasn’t a master strategist; she was simply playing both sides of the battlefield. Logically, Bismuth knew Rose had done everything she could to tip the scales in favor of the Crystal Gems. It was a rotten thing, doing that to your own gems who believed in you and worshiped you.

These new Crystal Gems did not worship her. More importantly, they didn’t fear her. Bismuth had talked to a few, trying to gauge if they were actually happy or if they were just brainwashed. They did praise her, going on about her compassion and tenderness, the way she defied rules and spent time mingling with and playing with her court.

They also had stories of times where she’d done something embarrassing or made a mistake. Their diamond rarely got angry, but could be particularly nasty if the right buttons were pushed. Even then, she always displayed restraint; the only punishments here were a sharp scolding, or extra chores. There were days where she isolated herself, snapping at anyone who bothered her or only sitting there unresponsive.

Bismuth could appreciate that Rose didn’t pretend to be perfect. Of course, she didn’t have to hide everything about herself anymore. Still, a diamond’s reputation usually hinged on perfection, though Rose didn’t seem to care.

One thing she had not expected to hear about was herself. These gems talked about Garnet, and Pearl, and Biggs, Snowflake, all of them. They knew who she was, they knew stories, old inspirational songs, the details of hard-fought battles. They were asking _her_ to tell tales about things she’d personally witnessed.

They also knew of difficult decisions Rose had to make, mistakes that had cost lives, and the folly of her secret double life. Bismuth had thought that Rose would want to bury it all, tuck it away somewhere where she didn’t have to think about it.

Instead, she had made sure that they weren’t forgotten. She had dwelt on them for 5000 years, boiled in pain and hate and turned it all into a fierce, protective energy. Now there was something twisted and dark inside her, something that sometimes hurt those around her but could become her greatest weapon in times of need.

Bismuth didn’t fool herself pretending that something like that wasn’t inside of her, too. She clenched and unclenched her fist idly, looking up at the lavishly detailed mural painted on the wall in front of her. Her friends looked back at her, accompanied by the lush, vibrant life of Earth, and the free-spirited humans. The other walls were covered in a thousand identifying facets, numbers, and nicknames.

The memorial offered a sense of peace. Outside, the festival was still going on, but in the heart of the large pink ship, things were quiet and respectful. She’d probably been sitting here for hours.

She didn’t glance at the reserved, barefooted steps pattering towards her. She didn’t move as Rose took a seat beside her. They sat in silence, just looking at what they’d lost.

“Who painted this?” the blacksmith asked softly.

“I did.” Rose smiled slightly, keeping her eyes on the mural. “I’m not the greatest artist, but I’m the only one who knew what they looked like. Describing them wasn’t good enough.”

“They’re all gone, aren’t they.” She bowed her head. “Every single one that was caught.”

“Yes…” Rose’s shoulders bent under her grief.

“You really captured their spirit.” The painting hurt to look at and brought up so many memories. Yes, she’d done a good job.

“I’m glad you think so…” The tears from her damaged eye were milky; Bismuth wondered if her healing powers still worked.

The silence stretched on comfortably. Eventually, Rose looked at her. “That amethyst that was with you… Is she from the Prime Kindergarten?”

“Yeah, why?” Bismuth quirked an eyebrow. Is this really what they were starting this conversation with?

“Do you know her facet and cut number?”

“No, we found her there by herself and she didn’t know it.” Bismuth shrugged. “She came out really late.”

Rose nodded. “It’s Facet-5 Cut-8XM, if she wants to know.”

The blacksmith blinked. “Uh, how do you know that?”

The diamond smiled, a little mischievous. “Do you know why ‘Rose’ was always visiting that kindergarten?” She continued when Bismuth shook her head. “I stepped foot on Earth because I wanted to welcome those amethysts to life. There was one that never emerged, and I looked up which one it was in case we met later. Some of her sisters are with the rest of my fleet in space, if she’d like to meet them.”

Bismuth was a little stunned. She didn’t expect Rose to remember such an insignificant thing. “Is this really what you want to talk about?”

“No… It’s hard to talk about this, but we _should_ talk. I’ve done a lot of awful things, and you deserve to know _why_ , don’t you?”

Damn right she did. “Why all the lies, Rose? Why didn’t you trust us? Why didn’t you trust _me_?”

“Please, Bismuth, it’s just Pink now. Rose died a long time ago.” She sighed. “I didn’t intend for any of it to happen. I just wanted to visit my own colony without getting reprimanded. It wasn’t even my idea to disguise myself as a quartz; it was Pearl’s.”

“Wait, really?” Bismuth hadn’t considered that. She had always thought that Rose masterminded the whole charade.

Rose smiled warmly. “Yes. You know how smart she was, and she wanted to make me happy.” Her expression fell. “I hope you don’t think I forced her to do anything that she did. When I realized that she had her own thoughts, her own feelings and wants, I freed her. It hurt to have her pretend to be a pretty piece of furniture when I knew she was so much more, but it was always her choice to remain by my side. I warned her… I warned her what would happen if we were caught, I gave her every opportunity to leave, but she refused. I could never get her to put herself before me.”

Bismuth nodded, grinding her teeth a little. Pearl was one of the things she was angriest about. A pearl who could fight, a pearl who belonged to no one; she had been everyone’s inspiration, and she had been a lie. The way Pearl had thrown herself in front of Rose time after time was sickening. She understood why; if Rose was poofed, everyone would see her gem. Pearl hadn’t been able to protect her in the end.

“I miss her so much… We were equals, as much as we could be given that she was made for me. We loved each other, but there was always the question of how much of her feelings were just because of her programming…” The diamond shook her head. “Either way, she was my best friend. I couldn’t have done most of what I did without her. She was the only one who knew.”

“You just didn’t trust us, huh?” Bismuth said bitterly.

“It wasn’t that.” Rose clasped her hands together, idly shuffling her thumbs. “Rose Quartz was everything I hoped to be. Someone who was brave and caring, who people weren’t afraid of, and who would fight for what was right. A diamond is someone who terrifies and punishes, who lords their power over others. It’s difficult realizing that your existence is evil, that you only exist to destroy and hurt.” She swallowed heavily, letting out a tense sigh. “I hated what I was with my entire being; I just wanted to be something else. And well… How exactly do you tell someone who loves and trusts you that you’re actually their mortal enemy? I never mustered up the nerve to do it.”

“We could have helped you,” the blacksmith glowered.

Rose merely shrugged. “Maybe it would have changed everything, or nothing at all. It would have taken just one untrustworthy person to ruin everything. So while I trusted you, I could not have trusted every single Crystal Gem. I selfishly hoped to leave that life entirely one day.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I couldn’t disappear or quit. I couldn’t talk my way out of it, or I would have gladly gone with the other diamonds, even if it meant leaving everything I loved behind. But there was one thing I was thinking about… I could die.”

Bismuth’s eyes widened. “Everyone wanted to shatter Pink Diamond. You don’t mean you were thinking of letting us do it, were you?”

“Not quite.” Her eyes glimmered mysteriously. “But there were a few ways Pearl and I could have faked it.”

Her jaw dropped. She closed it and looked at the gem whose intelligent, sassy nature was carefully captured in strokes of color.

“I never got the chance to do it.” Rose seemed to tense. “White Diamond told Yellow Diamond what I was doing, and she promptly destroyed everything.”

“But… I still don’t get it. Why not just rebel as yourself from the start?”

“The same thing would have happened, only sooner, and with fewer casualties.”

“You had an army.”

“Yes, one kindergarten’s worth of quartzes. How many quartzes do you think _Yellow_ has? My authority meant nothing to them.”

Bismuth opened her mouth and shut it again. No matter how she thought about it, there didn’t seem to have been any option but to go directly under the noses of the other leaders. “So you got sent to your room, big deal.”

The diamond went entirely still. That dark, dangerous thing flashed in her eyes. “You had friends, Bismuth. People who understood what you were going through and could help you heal. I had nothing. _Nothing_. _For 5000 years_.”

She held up her hands, realizing she’d been callous. “Easy, I didn’t mean anything by it.”

Rose frowned at her for a moment before looking away as her expression crumpled. “I saw them in my dreams, Bismuth, all their betrayed faces. They would try to rip me apart and whisper to me that I’d killed them. They weren’t wrong… There were…many moments when I just wanted it all to go away.” Her hand automatically went to her gem, lightly grazing its facets. “I still have those nightmares sometimes.”

The swirling anger in Bismuth quieted a bit. She understood. “So why didn’t you?”

“I couldn’t. As far as I knew, I was the only one left to remember. And there were far too many important ideas and people who I would not allow to be forgotten.” Her gaze moved to her memorial.

Bismuth looked for a time, too. “Why did you wait so long then? Why are you only fighting now?”

“I was afraid…” She looked ashamed; she had often asked herself the same question. “I didn’t think I could do it without whoever I was trying to help getting killed. If I ran away, I would be captured eventually and again, whoever was with me would be killed. I could only wait for something to change, though I didn’t know what or when.”

“You shattered White Diamond. You could have done it anytime.”

“No.” Rose firmly shook her head. “I just got lucky enough to catch her by surprise, is all. I was terrified of her, and so were Blue and Yellow, if that tells you anything.”

Bismuth gulped. Everyone knew about White Diamond’s power, about her utter ruthlessness.

“White was the only real thing stopping me,” Rose continued. “With her gone, I was finally free to do this again.”

“What about the other two? Wouldn’t they stop you?”

“They tried, but I had one advantage. They weren’t willing to hurt me.” That hard, frightening look shadowed her a little as she turned her gaze to her former friend. “Perhaps you think I should have shattered them too. I think that would only result in a power vacuum and another war. If there was one thing I didn’t want, it was more death. I wouldn’t be able to handle all of Homeworld by myself, not even White could do that; it’s why she made the three of us.

“From the moment I emerged, I looked at the world around me and wondered how, and why, and what for. Perhaps, a long time ago, Blue and Yellow also wondered, but now they are stuck in their ways. They have left me alone so far, because they know I won’t hesitate to make them pay if they mess with me.”

Bismuth whistled lowly at the clear, solid threat. “You’re not playing around, huh?”

“No. They don’t understand me, but despite everything, they’re family. I’m going to show them that there’s a better way. They cared about me enough to let me go, so they’d better listen and learn.”

She had to chuckle at Rose’s strict, impish tone. She didn’t necessarily agree, but if anyone could knock some sense into those tyrants, it would be Rose. “Do you…still hate yourself, Rose?”

“Sometimes… But I’ve figured things out for the most part.” She smiled. “Now, being a diamond means that I’m responsible for ensuring the safety and happiness of my gems. I would do just about anything to protect them. That’s not so different from Rose Quartz… I wonder if everyone would be proud of me…”

It grew quiet again; she didn’t have any more questions and Rose had explained most of what she’d wanted to know about. “So… What now?”

Rose straightened up, managing to look at least a little professional. “Now, you have a choice. You can join us, or go your own way.” Her voice grew soft. “…We can learn how to be friends again, or you can have nothing to do with me.”

That set off a little spark of anger. “You think you can just apologize and have everything go back to the way it was?” It would take a very long time to forgive her, if she forgave her at all.

“Of course not. Apologies don’t fix things, or bring back the dead. There’s nothing I can do to undo what I did, so all I can say is that I’m sorry.”

Bismuth shook her head, deflating. “When did you get so wise…”

“Well, I did have 5000 years to think about every single mistake I ever made,” she quipped, the corners of her lips lifting bitterly.

She winced and rubbed the back of her head. “Geez, ain’t that grim.”

Rose just shrugged. “For right now, I’ll give you a ship so you’re not stranded here once I leave. …Actually, why _are_ you still here? I know you’re capable of stealing a ship, even from Yellow.”

“This is home…” Bismuth replied quietly. “At least, what’s left of it, anyway.”

“This was home for me, too… I felt like I belonged here.” Rose had her eyes on the mural again. “But somewhere out there is a place that could become another home. Maybe I’ll never stop comparing it to Earth, but I won’t be alone. My new, very big family will be with me.”

The diamond turned to her old friend. “We could build you a nice new forge, with a big ol’ lava spa and all the sharp pointy things you could ask for,” she said teasingly.

The blacksmith had to laugh at that. “Yeah, I could finally get back in bismuth.”

Rose snorted. “Stars, I missed your awful puns…” She grew serious again. “That reminds me… Thank you for making that sword for me, the one that could never shatter someone. I’m so strong that I’m always worried about hurting people on accident, especially in battle. It really gave me peace of mind.”

“Uh, you’re welcome. Too bad you broke it while you were getting your butt kicked by your sister.” She winced again. Might have been too soon to joke about that.

She seemed unperturbed. “Maybe you can make me another one?” she said, raising an eyebrow suggestively and smirking mischievously.

It was Bismuth’s turn to snort. Rose was just as tactful as ever.

“Anyway, I should get going,” the diamond said, standing and smoothing her outfit. “I’ve got some rebellion stories to tell to an eager crowd of young rebels.” She quirked an eyebrow again. “You wanna tell some, too? I’m sure they’d like to hear from _THE_ Bismuth.”

She crossed her arms. “Mmm, I don’t know. I’m pretty sure you’re better at speeches.”

“ _I’m_ pretty sure you’re better at telling funny stories,” Rose retorted. She strode over to the door and paused. “Thank you for listening, Bismuth. See you around?”

Bismuth shrugged. “Yeah, I guess.”

Rose smiled warmly and left. Alone once more, Bismuth turned back to the memorial, letting the quiet fill her heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully I did Bismuth justice. I don't agree with what she wanted to do in-show, but she obviously cares a great deal about her friends and has likely lost many loved ones; that's an important part of her character to me. She and Pink will never be close again, but they can at least get along well enough to work together or crack a few jokes.
> 
> Oh and, before you ask, Pink's healing powers still work, but only from the good eye. The tears from the other eye do nothing now. Also, the cracks thankfully don't spread to anyone she fuses with; they appear faintly on the fusion's face but don't stay there after unfusing. I couldn't find a way to convey these facts without interrupting the pacing, having a random fusion occur, or having someone get hurt just to have her healing fail at first cause she didn't think about the tears from the bad eye maybe not working.
> 
> Another small idea I didn't have room for is Pink saluting back at those who salute her. She wants to show them that she respects them and doesn't think she's better than them. (And also, she thinks it's hilarious to watch a new recruit's jaw drop at the sight of a diamond saluting at them.)
> 
> A third idea is that she cried when she saw a plant for the first time in ages, cause god, she hasn't seen nature in way too long. Many flower crowns were made that day.


	12. Reparation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- Pink Diamond offers mercy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter. I hope you've enjoyed this AU, cause it sure as hell was a blast to write. Four hours a day for the last two months, I haven't written like that ever in my life. I don't have any concrete writing plans right now; I don't think I'm ready to leave this AU yet, so I might write some side drabbles for it. Let me know if there was something I didn't cover that you'd like to see.
> 
> Shoutouts to Heather, Kaylee, and Coral for letting me bounce ideas off them and giving me feedback. Couldn't have kept up the steam without you guys! Love ya!

The rhythmic sounds of the ocean soothed her somewhat. The wind tugged at her cloak, and she drew it tighter around her. She watched the water rush towards her, then pull back, as if afraid.

Her anxious thoughts were occupied by the hundreds of unanswered messages and calls and the thousands of years worth of grief.

It had been so long since she’d seen her, nearly half a millennium. Was she happy? Was she handling things well? How much more had she changed?

Ocean, wind, the tang of salt. Shards, cracks, Pink.

Ocean, wind, the tang of salt. Shards, cracks, Pink.

Ocean, wind, the roar of a distant engine.

She observed as the hot pink ship landed a good distance away. A sharp pang of fear and apprehension assaulted her. Already, the tears started.

A lone pink gem disembarked, waving away the concerned faces peeking out after her. Hesitantly, the ship took off, leaving her there alone. It was to be only the two of them, and no one else.

She pulled back her hood as the gem reached her, sighing. “Pink…”

“Blue.” The younger diamond was already wearing the hardness of her emotional armor.

The sound of her voice caused a huge surge of emotion; Blue wanted to scoop her up and hold her to her breast, but she had to refrain. She had to keep a tight lid on herself or else she would ruin her chance to earn a place in her sister’s new life.

Pink watched stiffly as Blue extended a hand and gently ran it across her scarred cheek. “Does it hurt?” Blue asked softly, with stooped shoulders and deep bags under her eyes.  

“Sometimes… On bad days…” She tried to relax a little, tried to calm the vortex of pain that wanted to explode out and hurt the elder diamond. Out of the three, Blue had had the least to do with what happened. Pink knew Blue would try, just for her.

Blue sighed again, withdrawing. “How are you?”

“I’m fine.” She glanced at the ocean and the wide sandy beach around them. This planet was not her new home, but a neutral territory she had set up for their meeting. It was small, and didn’t have much organic life; it still seemed to brim with potential. “How is Homeworld?”

“We’re keeping it together…”

Pink felt bad about leaving Homeworld’s society in disarray; the thought didn’t change how she felt about being a part of it.

Blue surprised the other diamond by sinking down into a sitting position, only grimacing a little at the sand getting on her clothing. “Pink… Are you really happy, doing all this?” she questioned quietly. Pink had learned how to be a leader, yes, but the other part of being a diamond was colonization, something she refused to do.

Pink sat as well, wrapping her arms around her knees. She would have liked to go closer to the water and let the surf run over her feet, but contented herself by digging her toes into the sand instead. “Yes. This has been my dream for a long time. I’m finally doing what I was meant to.”

“What you were meant to…?” She frowned, echoing the statement.

“Sometimes, what a gem was made to do doesn’t match up with what they’re actually good at.” Pink gestured around her. “All of this feels right to me. But you only see it as wrong.”

Blue nodded. “I can’t fathom your reasons for acting like this…”

Pink turned towards her. “When I left, I called Homeworld a prison because that’s what it was to me. For you, it’s home, a place where you can feel safe and belong. For me, that place was Earth.” She paused when Blue winced. “Out of all the places I’d been to, all the colonies, it was the first place that was actually alive.”

“Our colonies are alive and thriving with gems.”

Pink shook her head. “No, they’re not. They’re dead, sucked dry of their resources. Most gems who live in those places are _not_ thriving; they’re afraid for their lives.” She cocked her head. “We’re parasites, Blue. We come and take everything and leave only death behind us. Do you really think it’s natural or good that the planets we touch end up split asunder?”

Blue had to sigh; Pink didn’t understand, as always. “This universe rightfully belongs to us, Pink. We will expand and conquer.”

Pink rested her chin in her hand, smiling lightly. “Why?”

Blue realized she had been expecting that response. “Because that is what we were made for.”

“ _Why_?”

The elder diamond began to get a little annoyed. “Because that is the way it’s always been!”

She just kept smiling infuriatingly. “Y’know, between the three of us, I seem to be the only one asking why.” She sat up a little straighter. “‘Because’ is not a satisfactory answer, Blue. White made us for a specific purpose, yes, but have you ever thought to ask…” She tapped a finger on her cheek. “Who made _White_?”

Blue stopped breathing. She didn’t _need_ to breathe, none of their kind did, but it was a habit every gem seemed to have regardless. It was very uncomfortable and next-to forbidden to think about the origins of gemkind.

“That’s the sort of thing I’ve always wondered about,” Pink continued. “I suppose White was the only one who could answer those questions, and she’s gone. Not that she would have told me anyway. But, from my experiences with organics, we seem to be oddly similar to them, don’t you think?”

She shuddered.

Pink seemed to pin her with her gaze. “Discomforting, isn’t it? You don’t want to think that your entire way of life might just be a construct of White’s.” Her mismatched eyes glimmered. “Don’t you realize? You’re free now.”

“Enough of this nonsense!” Blue snapped. “You sound like you’ve lost your mind!”

“I’m sure you’re aware that I did, for a while.” Pink rolled her eyes when Blue flinched. “I’m asking you these things because that’s exactly the sort of thing Earth made me think about. I had to think about if what I was doing to it was right, and I decided it wasn’t. If you’ll recall, one of Rose Quartz’s abilities was the manipulation of plant life.”

Blue nodded, swallowing. “Yes. You made warriors of flowers and moss.”

“I fought for Earth, because it was the first place I felt like myself in. It opened my eyes and taught me things I never knew; it awakened my powers and showed me what I could really do. I developed a deep emotional and spiritual connection to organic life; I couldn’t bear to see it die.” She shuddered, remembering how badly she had failed. The subject changed abruptly. “Haven’t you always liked water?”

That was true. She had always found the patterns and sounds of water calming. The way it could turn into a destructive storm in an instant was captivating. But her fascination had never stopped her from draining oceans and rivers dry.

Pink turned her gaze out to the ocean. “I’m not cut out to be as harsh and cruel as you and Yellow. I like being a nice person…” She sighed, resting her head on her arms. “Sorry, I’m rambling… My point is that I’m different.”

“We’ve always known that, Pink…” Blue said softly.

“And yet, you tried to force me to be something I just wasn’t.” She turned, shocking Blue with the unshed tears brimming in her eyes. “Do you have any idea how frustrating it was, Blue? Being told over and over again to be a proper diamond but never given the opportunity to try? Always being treated like I was incompetent, like everything I touched would immediately fall to pieces? And maybe there was a little truth to that, because I couldn’t help being curious. I never saw the problem with thinking outside the box, and someone like that just doesn’t belong in a perfect, efficient society, do they.”

“I’m sorry, Pink…” Tears the size of watermelons soaked into the sand.

“And… I was so lonely…” Pink’s voice grew quiet. “I was always getting in trouble for talking to ‘lesser’ gems. I spent half my time isolated in my room. I had no one.”

“You had us…”

“Did I?”

Blue winced again.

“When I first emerged, you made me feel special and important. But soon, both of you became too busy to spend any real time with me. When Yellow tried to teach me things, she’d always get too impatient to answer my questions. You tended to be more patient, but sometimes you’d snap too. My ideas were always deemed ridiculous, no matter who I proposed them to.

“Neither of you ever wanted to do anything I considered fun, so I resorted to doing childish things; anything to get your attention, even if it was negative attention. I felt like a nuisance, like both of you would prefer it if I just went away because I was annoying.”

“No, never!” Blue was quick to jump in. “We love you.” The things that set Pink apart were the reasons they adored her. She hadn’t known Pink felt that way and regretted her failure to pay better attention to her sister’s emotional needs.

“The one time I was actually serious about something… The one time it wasn’t a game, nobody listened.” Pink shook her head. “Perhaps that was _my_ fault. But now you don’t have to be ashamed to show you care.” She sent Blue a hard look that seemed to say she expected more than soft words in the future.

The azure diamond bit back her guilt. Her apologies were thousands of years too late.  But, there was something she could do now, something that would hopefully make her happy. “Pink… I brought you a gift…”

A suspicious eyebrow went up. She couldn’t think of anything she would want from her sisters except their cooperation. …If it was a pearl, there was going to be a _lot_ of yelling.

Blue stood, summoning her ship with a wave of her hand. Pink kept her distance, but was ready to fight if need be. A small transport pod was flicked out by a massive finger, landing on the beach several yards away.

A dendritic agate stepped out, saluting and bowing. “My radiant, lustrous Diamonds…”

“Did you bring them, agate?” Blue stood taller, all business.

“Yes, My Diamond,” the agate replied, bending even lower.

Pink stepped a little closer, curious but mistrustful. Blue shooed away the amused smile that wanted to form; Pink didn’t seem to realize she was on her tippy-toes trying to get a good look. “Excellent. Lead them out.”

Pink gasped when a multitude of trembling gems emerged and formed a horizontal line in front of her. They were off-colors, all of them. Some wore blue or yellow diamonds on their uniforms while others had no uniform at all. She looked at Blue, eyes wide with questions.

Blue couldn’t hide her smile this time. “Do you want them?”

“Yes, of course!” Pink answered without hesitation.

“I don’t understand why you tolerate these defects, but I’m not blind. I can see they’re important to you, so I saved them for you.”

Pink softened greatly. “I… Thank you…”

A deep instinct inside Blue Diamond told her that these gems should be disposed of, that they didn’t belong and had no place in society. They were dangerous, deficient freaks who shouldn’t be allowed to exist.

And yet, Pink greeted them with warmth and tenderness, gently assuring each one that they were safe with her and didn’t have to be afraid anymore. Blue felt a pang of jealousy; Pink used to look at her that way, a long time ago. She likely never would again, not without a bitter taint.

Pink signaled for one of her smaller ships to come down. The nervous off-colors jumped when she gave a loud whistle, laughingly calling out, “Hey guys! Come here!”

Blue and her agate backed up as a rowdy crowd of off-colors came towards them, eager to meet their new friends. The apprehensive gems relaxed a little at the sight of others like them, others who seemed to be happy and perfectly at ease, even though their diamond was standing right in the middle of the group.

Blue nearly melted at the grateful grin the young diamond sent her way.

She couldn’t deny that Pink seemed to be in her element.

* * *

“What do you see in them, those off-colors?” Her pearl had reported that Pink always interacted with them as if they were all her equals. The thought made her a bit sick.

Seven months had passed since they started talking to each other again. They had established a regular schedule of in-person visits. Blue would deliver any off-colors she found, and the two of them would spend time together.

Today, they were on the beach once more; it was a place they both liked. Blue had to admit that it was nice to watch the shimmering view without the worry of it disappearing during the progression of a colony.

Pink looked fondly down the beach, where a large portion of her court was hanging out. Her gems were content to give Blue Diamond a wide berth, and Blue was content to ignore them in return. It was heavily and repeatedly impressed upon her to the point of annoyance that she wasn’t allowed to be rude or harmful towards them. Shattering anyone for any perceived transgression was absolutely out of the question.

“Every gem has massive amounts of potential, Blue,” Pink answered cheerfully. “It doesn’t matter to me whether that potential fits their purpose or not. For example, I’ve got a carnelian who’s a lot better at keeping people in line than a regular agate, and an agate who’s a fantastic seamstress. In my eyes, there’s no such thing as defective.”

Blue’s lip curled at the pandemonium going on at the other end of the sand. Fusions walked about shamelessly, several small gems were playing hide and seek, and, oh stars, there was a pearl teaching some amethysts how to dance! “How do you even keep control of them?” she wondered aloud.

Pink chuckled smugly. “There _is_ such a thing as organized chaos, Blue.”

“No, I mean… How do you get them to do what you want?”

“Oh, I show them that I respect them. I make sure they have time to relax and enjoy themselves, because working _all_ the time sucks. I let them find what they’re good at and make it their job, if they want. Basically, I’m happy when my gems are happy.”

The elder diamond gestured again. “How do you maintain their respect? You’re…you.”

“Gee, thanks for the compliment.” Pink laid down on her back, folding her arms behind her head and casually crossing one leg over the other. “That’s exactly why they respect me. I don’t hide things from them, and I don’t pretend to be some perfect being. I have flaws just like everyone else, and I acknowledge my mistakes. That’s pretty respectable in their eyes. Plus, it’s hard not to like a big ol’ goof like me, eh?” She nudged Blue.

The elder rolled her eyes. “They’re not afraid…” she murmured thoughtfully.

“No. I always despised when people were scared of me.” Pink huffed out a breath. “It’s one of the things I hated most about being a diamond. Now my gems know I’d never hurt them.”

Blue sighed away her guilt. During these months, Pink had talked about a lot of feelings she’d never known the younger diamond had felt. Sometimes she thought they had hardly known the real Pink at all. “And the…fusions?” she asked distastefully.

“Also full of potential,” Pink replied simply. “In Homeworld’s perfect society, everyone has to fit in their box, or else. I know why. It’s because you’re afraid.”

“Afraid?” Blue scoffed.

“You’re afraid of letting even the tiniest bit of control slip out of your hands. You’re afraid that someone will become too powerful and figure out how to hurt you. _I’m_ not afraid. I find it exciting.”

Blue sighed yet again. She thought that was ridiculous, like always, but didn’t let the comment slip out. It must have shown on her face, though, because the corner of Pink’s lips tugged up into a saucy grin.

“Fusion is an incredible thing, you know,” she continued. “It’s a living relationship, a walking bond between people and yet so much more. It’s…impossible to describe with words.”

The azure diamond went very still as the realization hit her.

Pink chuckled, propping herself up on her elbows. “Are you really that surprised, Blue? Since when have I been afraid to try new things, huh? Honestly, I’m surprised you and Yellow haven’t done it on accident.” She raised a suggestive eyebrow. “Or on purpose.”

“No, we haven’t,” she corrected tersely, feeling her cheeks heat up.

“Then you _should_ try it sometime.”

Blue didn’t like the way she was smirking.

“Maybe with me?” A wink.

Blue nearly choked on her spit while Pink laughed herself to the point of tears.

* * *

_"There is one very important question that I ask every gem I meet.” Pink’s eyes glimmered mischievously._

_“What do you want to do? It can be anything, anything at all. Even something you’re not supposed to want.”_

_She thought of the mural Pink had taken her to see once, the one which showed the world what it had lost._

_“I think…I’d like to paint.”_

Thus, Blue Diamond found herself on a hill, looking out at a mountainous vista. Pink had finally convinced her to shape-shift down to a more reasonable size for a while, insisting that commissioning a giant canvas and paintbrush (not to mention gallons of paint) would be a waste of resources when normal-sized things were readily available.

Beside her, the younger diamond was working on her own picture, though she wouldn’t let Blue look just yet. The elder was rather fond of the way Pink was getting flecks of paint all over her face.

Blue was pretty sure she was doing a bad job; she liked art, it was popular in her court, but she had never made anything herself. She was trying to copy the view, but it was turning out to be a random mish-mash of color.

Pink snickered when she peeked at her sister’s drawing and failed to hide it behind a cough. Blue blushed, huffing and crossing her arms as she turned away from her mess.

“Aww, don’t feel bad, Blue. It’s not _that_ terrible. You should see _my_ first drawing, it was way worse,” Pink chuckled. “Nobody’s instantly good at something on the first try, not even diamonds. Stuff like this takes practice, so don’t worry.”

Blue found the bright, playful smile she was offered reassuring.

A few more hours passed. Pink explained some facets of her Crystal Gems; she held court once a week, listening to complaints and concerns. She appointed four gems to sit with her and counsel her on her decisions; she insisted she didn’t always make the best choices on her own and _wanted_ people to question her. She chose new council members every year; only those who had been with her for at least a hundred years were considered qualified.

Pink helped people fix their mistakes instead of punishing them, because mistakes were to be learned from, and killing someone for messing up just led to people becoming better liars. Making an example out of an entire cut or gem type was a heinous, evil thing, in her opinion. Blue was careful not to react to that.

The most undesirable chores were assigned at random, to make it fair, and _everyone_ was entered in the lottery. No one got picked twice until everyone had had a turn. Every gem was eligible to be selected, no matter their rank. Pink had mopped all the floors in her ship more than once. Blue didn’t know why she sounded happy about it. Pink just replied that physical labor was good for her to do once in a while.

Apparently, not every gem stayed with Pink. They could leave if they wanted, to find their own way out in the universe. While it meant she couldn’t protect them, she would always give them the choice. Pink seemed to be all about choices and free will. Blue didn’t know how she ever got anything done.

Eventually, Pink finished her painting and turned it so Blue could see. The azure diamond gasped.

It was the Renegade Pearl. _Pink’s_ pearl.

She was holding a pair of swords, fearlessly facing down a monstrous quartz fusion three times her size. Her baby-blue eyes shone with determination and her body was poised with grace; it almost seemed like it was natural for her to be fighting.

Pink grew quiet. “Blue…”

“Yes, Pink?”

“Have you ever thought about replacing your pearl?”

Blue didn’t answer for a moment. Pink was giving her one of her intense looks, daring her to do something stupid like lie. “Yes, of course…”

“But you’ve never actually done it.” Pink was pretty sure that pearl had been around longer than her. She’d never seen Yellow or Blue replace their pearls, at least; White used to go through them sickeningly fast.

“No.”

“She’s one of the most important gems in your life, you know.”

“How so?” Blue felt a tinge of unease. She wasn’t supposed to get attached to her pearl, but she knew she was. Not wanting to teach a new pearl all the ways she liked things done was a flimsy excuse.

“Does she not sing and dance for you to cheer you up? Does she not wipe away your tears? You’re probably not even aware of all the small things she does. She would do anything for you; you can trust her more than anyone else, even Yellow and me.”

Pink’s eyes went to her painting. “My pearl…was my partner, and my best friend. I could count on her to support me and knew she was strong enough and smart enough to pull through any situation. I trusted her with my life.”

She turned her mismatched gaze back to Blue. “She’s been with you a long time. Be sure to let her know you appreciate her every so often, ok?” She pulled out a new canvas.

“Alright.” Blue wasn’t sure where this concern was coming from. She supposed it made sense that Pink had a soft spot for pearls.

“If you ever think of replacing her, you’d better give her to me...” Pink picked up her brush and started mixing fresh paint. “ _Or else_.”

Blue agreed, rather used to Pink’s threats by now.

She couldn’t help but wonder what her long-time companion was truly capable of.

* * *

Pearl sorted through the incoming messages, grateful to have something to do. She jumped when the diamond communicator went off.

Behind her, her diamond didn’t move. She was still in the same position she had been for the last hour; bent, her elbows on her knees, her palms against her forehead and her eyes closed. Though her face was slackened, Pearl knew from the slight furrow of her brows that she wasn’t asleep. She knew better than to ask if she was alright.

She went to answer the call, but froze. “M-My Diamond?” She didn’t get an answer, and spoke a little louder. “M-My Diamond!”

Yellow Diamond finally opened her eyes. “What.”

Pearl held the communicator out towards her.

Yellow felt her heart stop. It was glowing pink instead of the expected blue.

“Sh-Should I answer it, My Diamond?” Pearl asked when Yellow only stared at it.

“…No.”

The communicator stopped ringing for a moment, only to start again. “She’s going to keep calling…” Pearl said quietly. She knew Pink Diamond could be very persistent; if she was finally ready to talk, then shouldn’t her diamond…

The thought was halted when Yellow carefully took the communicator from her and smashed it with her thumb. The enormous gem leaned back into her seat, pulling up the project she’d been working on before she’d gotten lost in a fog of memory.

Well. That would stop the calls for now. Pearl went back to her work as well, dropping one last comment. “You can’t hide forever, My Diamond.”

Yellow paused, sternly blinking away the tears that wanted to form in her eyes. She sighed; her pearl was probably right.

“It’s better that I stay away.”

Pearl was already formulating the bet she would make with that iolite down the hall; how long would it take for Pink Diamond to march in here and get Yellow herself?

* * *

Far, far away in the darkness, there was a bright light. She walked towards it with stumbling steps, feeling like a star drawn towards a black hole.

The darkness remained unchanging for minutes, maybe hours. The light didn’t seem to be closer; how was she ever going to get there?

A new light appeared, off to her right. She stopped, looked.

It was like the patterns a sun would paint on the floor of a sea. It felt like it used to be deeper, but had gotten a bit clearer. It was sad, hopeful, confused; the water didn’t seem to know which way to flow.

She wanted to go closer, but the other light was stronger. It called her, so she left the blue light alone.

For a while more, there was only the light in front of her.

A new light appeared, off to her left. She stopped, looked.

It flashed and darted, leaving jagged impressions in its wake. It felt dim, like it used to be much more powerful, but now it had gone faint. At times, it raged. At others, it stilled, lost.

She thought she should go closer, but the other light was firm. It beckoned to her, so she left the yellow light alone.

After a long time, she finally seemed to be getting somewhere. The closer she got to the light, the brighter it became. She realized that the light was not one light, but a thousand tiny ones.

She couldn’t seem to stop walking.

Pressure filled the air, leaving her cold.

And it only grew heavier and heavier, until her feet came to an abrupt stop.

Standing amongst all these stars, she felt so small. She couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t-

All at once, a million invisible eyes seemed to focus on her.  
 

h̶̢̛̯͙̬̗̙̩̣͓̻̏̈̑̏̚͠͠-̴̢̝͎̝̘͍̳͍̹̀̔̀͂̐̉̚͠͞H̴͕̪̟͛̿̄͌̎̍̅̑̓̎͟͟ e̛͙͓̙̫̽̄̃̾͗̅͐ͅͅ l̸̡͚͎̼̦͔̆̍̃̆̎͑̿ͅļ̮̥̤̣̜̔́̉̽̂͋͜͟-̷̢̥͙̗̩͈͇̪̗͂̎̋̓̾́̚̚L̰̭̠̥͋̌̎̔̃̾̀̿̏͢ l̡̖̘̻͉͖̪̱̅̉͐̊͛̂͛͞l̻̱̻̰͇̺̘͒̆̄̈́͝ o̸̧̧̝͓̼̞̬̲͕͗̅͛̔̀̋͘͡͝-̴̼̬̫͙̟̏̂̃̈͜͟͝ǫ̸̧͚͍̲͍̙̩͒͌͒̉̐̏́͂̕-̨̛̛̼̜͈̤̙͑̏̇͟͠͠͡o̵̤̗͓̜̺̻̲̖̊͆̇͗̚͠ S̴̢̳̙̳̖̫̺͍͇̞̒̋̓̂͛͘͠s̨̬̹̩̥̘͍͉̖̿͊̉̎̾̌́̚̕͢-̷͈̻̥͉̝͉̎̓̃̓̽͂ͅͅS̸̤̪̰̟͇̙̍̐͌̃͟͝t̤̯̦̭͔̠̰̤̔̌͌̇̐ť̢̺̞͓͉͚̣̜͌̆̿̽̾̊̑̐͢͟͡ A̵͍̠̜͈̟͕̗̝̠̓͐͐̓̄̽̉̈́̾̚͢r̶̞̻͓̝̯̻͇̐͑̈́̉͜͠ l̢̳͍̹͚̔̎͌͛̆͗̀̃̚͘-̢̛̝̤̲̎̆̈͑͜I̵̙̙̦̱͚͒̊̍͊̐͐į̸͍̲̦̞̰̭̦̺́̔̄͛̿̈̎͋̑̃-̴̦̳͖̹̜͖̿̿̓̕͘͟͡͡g̢̭̟̩͂̂̒̌͗̒̉̀̚͟-̘̜̦̗͔͇̱̹̝͋̾͒̄͆́̎h̵̢͕̫̳̘͓̊͆̕͞͝ –̡̼̦̫͖͚̮̪̟̲͒̈̐̌̀̆̇͘͝ṯ̨̛̠̤̤͓͇̳̿̽̇̓̌ͅ-͓͙̫͇̍̆͒̎͗̀̍̄̚͜ţ̧̛̠͙͓̰̘̱͉̽̓̃͒̇̾̕-̢̜̘̺̭̗̻͚͇̔̇͌̄̉̑̾̊-͖͇̫̘̙̌͊̊͢͡t̼͇̪͚̠͚̲̍̌̎̕͝

* * *

Pink was late.

It wasn’t strange for her to be late by a few minutes, but an hour was ridiculous.

By the time two hours had passed, Blue Diamond’s patience had all but run out.

By the time four hours had passed, Blue Diamond was nothing but worried. Nobody was answering her calls.

Another hour, and Pink’s ship finally made an appearance. Blue’s relief was short-lived when two tense fusions came out instead of her little sister. It was the big six-gem one and the disgusting ruby-pearl one that Pink hung around with a lot. The fact that they were particularly close to Pink was the only reason she bothered to remember their names.

“Where is Pink Diamond?” she demanded, not at all hiding her disdain.

“I-I-I’m sorry, she-she’s indisposed right now…” Rhodonite stuttered, trembling.

Her eyes narrowed. “What do you mean, indisposed?”

The small fusion hid behind the big one. “It happens sometimes,” Fluorite answered, doing a much better job of hiding her fear. “Pink has days where she isolates herself and refuses to speak to anyone.”

“We’ve had this scheduled since last month, she should have at least had the decency to cancel!” Blue Diamond was growing angry again, now that she knew that nothing was physically wrong with Pink.

Rhodonite peeked out. “It-It’s not her fault!” she exclaimed.

Fluorite shook her head. “She can’t predict when something will cause her to shut down.”

The diamond huffed. “I’m sure this can be resolved easily enough.” She started to move towards the ship, only to have the big fusion block her way. She would have shattered her for the sheer audacity of it, if not for the threat of Pink’s swift and painful revenge.

Fluorite shivered a little, but didn’t back down from the diamond’s glare. “There’s nothing you can do to help her right now. Barging your way onto her ship is dangerous, and would only make it worse.” Her three sets of eyes held a firm look.

“No one can help her when she g-gets like this… Not even us…” Rhodonite wrung her hands and held herself together; now was not the time to faint.

“You want me to do _nothing_ while she’s having a crisis?” Blue hissed.

“I understand.” Fluorite held her hands out, pacifying. “But time is the only thing she needs right now. She’s not alone; many of her friends are nearby for when she’s ready to talk.”

“W-We’re sorry she can’t meet with you today!” Rhodonite ducked behind her friend again. “Oh stars, please don’t shatter us…”

The tension hung in the air for several long seconds before Blue Diamond deflated slightly with a sigh. “Very well.” She ground her teeth; these gems were just as concerned as her. “I will trust your judgment on this. If this happens again, don’t let me waste my entire day waiting.” She turned and stalked away.

Blue heard the two scuttle back onto the ship with relieved murmurs; the craft stayed where it was. Her worry didn’t abate whatsoever.

It was hard to accept that they knew how to handle this better than her. They had spent hundreds of years with the new Pink; Blue had only spent one year so far. She wanted nothing more than to go and comfort Pink, but it didn’t sound like she was accepting comfort from anyone, not even those closest to her.

They had better be right, and she had better be ok soon.

She sat under the shady cliff she’d been waiting by all day. She had days where she struggled to do anything and didn’t want anyone to disturb her. They didn’t happen as often as they used to, because now Pink wasn’t locked away with empty eyes and terrible memories.

She wasn’t surprised that Pink had bad days, too. Only, hers must be so much worse. With all they had talked about, Blue felt like her suffering was only a breeze compared to Pink’s tempest. Blue had lost one diamond, and not forever.

Pink, to whom all friends were her equals, had lost a thousand diamonds.

* * *

Night fell before Pink joined her on the beach. She sat down wordlessly, and the two of them just looked up at the stars for a time.

“Are you alright?” Blue asked softly, breaking the silence.

“I-I’m ok…” Pink replied just as quietly. She was unusually still, wearing an impossible-to-read expression. “Why didn’t you go home? Surely you’ve got better things to do.”

“I wasn’t going to leave when you were distressed, Pink.”

The little diamond nodded. “Thank you for listening to them. It wouldn’t have gone well if you’d tried to interfere.” She looked at her neatly folded hands. “I can get rather…volatile.”

Blue swallowed heavily. “…What caused it?”

“I had a bad nightmare.” She leaned against the older diamond’s side.

Blue put an arm around her sister, surprised. Pink never allowed her guard to drop like this around her. “What was it about?”

“I don’t know.” She shook her head, shivering a little. “It wasn’t of the usual variety. All I remember is the feeling.”

Blue held her a little tighter, letting the conversation lapse back into silence. They watched the ocean for a while.

“Blue?”

“Yes?”

“What did you do with White’s shards?”

The azure diamond frowned. “I put them all in a bubble. Why?”

Pink took a long time to answer, only staring ahead of her. “Separate them.”

“What? Why?”

“Just do it. Please.” She turned her gaze to Blue. “Split them up and take them far away from each other.”

Blue was stunned by the fear in Pink’s eyes. “You can’t possibly believe…”

Pink shook her head. “No. But if anyone could, it would be her.”

The thought chilled her to her core. “…Alright.”

Beside her, Pink finally relaxed. “Thank you… We’re better off without her.”

Blue couldn’t disagree with that. “…She’s in my nightmares, too.”

She tilted her head, interested.

“The worst one, I think, is the one where I go to meet her,” Blue continued. “She’s there like she always is, only…in place of her pearl, there’s…you.”

“Me?”

“Yes…” She inhaled. “You aren’t you anymore. You’re pale, and hollow. You smile and say hello politely, but it’s not your voice anymore. No matter what I say, I can’t get you to respond like you should and… You… You’re…” She breathed out a long breath, a hand covering her face. Tears slipped out through her fingers.

Pink squeezed her sister’s arm gently. She didn’t need to hear any more.

Once Blue calmed down, Pink said what she’d been holding inside of her today. “I could have saved her... She didn’t fall apart all at once; there was time.”

“But you didn’t…”

“No… I don’t regret it.”

Blue smiled lightly to herself; she didn’t regret it, either. Even though things were unstable right now, there was nothing she would trade for Pink’s happiness. “Is Yellow still ignoring you?” she asked, wanting to get off the subject of the fallen queen.

She was rewarded when Pink pouted cutely. “Why doesn’t she want to talk to me, Blue? You fell all over yourself when I called you.”

Blue huffed, blushing a little. “She’s afraid, Pink.”

“I wouldn’t shatter her for no reason, and I don’t think she would do something stupid enough to warrant it. Surely she knows that.”

“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “It likely wouldn’t be very long before the two of you got into an argument.”

Pink sighed, knowing that was true. “We need to talk eventually…”

“How about I pester her, too. Would that help?” Blue smirked.

Pink chuckled, but sighed again. “Thanks, but you probably shouldn’t do that. It’s not good for her to bottle up her feelings, but I don’t want to push her too hard.”

“Hmm…”

It was things like this that showed how mature Pink had become. She was still as silly as always, but now she knew how to be serious when she needed to be. She’d become a diamond, in her own way.

Pink yelped when Blue scooped her up onto her lap. She shot her a dirty look and relaxed again, resting her head on her sister’s hair close to her warm gem. 

It wasn’t long before she started to nod off. Pink had forgotten just how luxuriously soft Blue’s cloak was and found herself melting into it. She hadn’t snuggled here since she was very, very new.

Blue smiled fondly, smoothing Pink’s hair. “You can sleep if you want. I promise I won’t do anything foolish.”

Pink snorted, but closed her eyes and settled in closer. “Don’t kidnap me in my sleep or I’ll punch you,” she grumbled under her breath.

“Of course,” Blue chuckled, shifting her weight a little as she leaned back against the cliff. She might go for a nap, herself.

She grew lost in thought as Pink started to snore lightly.

Things were changing faster than she could keep up with. The strain of holding Homeworld together was only growing, and Pink wasn’t going to come back and help; she was free.

Nearly every time they talked, Pink told her she was free, too. Blue still didn’t understand what she meant, but there was always the persistent question of who she actually was, under the strict façade she’d been wearing all her life.

She thought of all the strange activities Pink had her try, all the illogical things she talked about.  Many were embarrassing, or downright unspeakable, but Pink never batted an eye. The younger diamond had a knack for making Blue forget about her status and relax, even if it was only for a moment.

Despite the fact that Pink hardly followed any conventional rules, legal, social, or otherwise, her court was nowhere close to falling apart. She didn’t colonize, but she didn’t need to when there were no gems to replace and her goal wasn’t endless expansion. Already, her gems had made several breakthroughs in technology, entertainment, everything. Blue could believe that, someday, Pink would find a way to create more gems without destroying organic life.

Pink was near bursting with joy. She was surrounded by friends who accepted her and loved her for who she was. She knew each and every one of her gems, and, even if she didn’t have time to spend growing close with every single one, she still knew at least a few things about them. Blue wondered how Pink could possibly have room in her heart for so much love.

When Pink rambled on about her ideas…

When she bounded down the gangplank to greet her…

When she got dirt all over herself and let rubies climb on her and played pointless games and laughed as she hugged her friends…

She made Blue feel like everything would be ok.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smol, excitable mom teaches big sad mom how to mom properly. Blue is trying, really. She may not understand most of what Pink does, but she's listening, at least.
> 
> It'll be a long time still before Yellow can be convinced to talk to Pink again; she feels like Pink would be happier if she just stayed away (thank you friend Coral for putting that sentiment so nicely into words for me). It's a bittersweet note to end it on, but I didn't feel the need to write that reunion. Just know that Pink tells her to shrink her ass down so she can get a proper hug from her little sister.
> 
> Was that dream real in any fashion? You decide :D
> 
> If you wanna create fan content for this AU, be my guest. Just credit the story to me, and be sure to shoot me a link cause I wanna see that shit!
> 
> Above all, thank you for reading! Thank you for giving kudos and commenting! You guys are awesome!


End file.
